


Homestuck Refrain

by terminallyCosplay



Series: Homestuck Refrain [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Eventual Death, F/F, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sadstuck, Tragedy, angsty teens, hella sadstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2017-12-21 03:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terminallyCosplay/pseuds/terminallyCosplay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the post Sburb universe, the kids find themselves back on an Earth that has no idea that SBurb ever existed. The entire thing was a hoax set up by teenagers seeking media attention.<br/>The kids, based on how far they made it into the sburb universe, have varied forms of amnesia. Since John, Jade, Rose, and Dave made it the farthest inside the Sburb universe they remember the most. However, they find that no matter how hard they try, it's impossible to remember the trolls completely. Facing day to day life, they go through carrying the heaviest secrets of all. Not only was Sburb real, they have yet to be able to talk to the trolls in three years.<br/>The story now picks up on a familiar date in mid-April, where the kids fly to Houston to compete in a nation wide music fest and finally start to remember.</p><p>Please Note that relationships haven't been developed yet and that the Alphas do not appear until Chapter Five.</p><p>Part of the Refrain Universe. For best results, read Refrain first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Battered Boys

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Contains Blood, Guts, and Chocolate cake. 
> 
> Chapters contain either 1 or 2 characters, denoted by their name in bold followed by the (#) of times they've had chapters.

_This is it. The game has been won, you and your friends are safe. You look at each other, and it's decided. There is still an Earth to go back to, if Jade is right, and lets face it she normally is, you will be fine. The prize has been handed over to the trolls, the battered remains of a large group. You're all battered. You smile, hugging them, and say "See you soon."_

_It should be soon._

_It's never soon._

_You go back to earth, but it is not the earth that you expected._

_Now, we meet up again with our heroes three years later, on an old familiar day._

* * *

 

**Dave (1)**

 

 

It struck deep rhythms inside him. It elicited movement and thought further than what he had expected. The reverberations ran through him like so many ripples of sound waves, the bass rose, building, then dropped. It dropped hotter than any shit the world should ever have heard. Ecstasy filled the room and it was like every motion elicited further joy and pleasure than anyone had ever had the right to experience. His name is Dave Strider, and he will always be the knight of time.

At this moment, he is free from all the bullshit. Everyone had told him that he was wrong, that they were wrong. "Sburbia" was the newest track to the never ending soundtrack to a life shattered by the demons in his head.

Everyone was dead. It happened suddenly, between the brief flashes of strobes. The bodies changed. They lay in mangled piles across the dance floor. Blood seeped out of them, pooling up faster and higher than the bodies should have allowed. It came in a rainbow of colors that had no right being in blood. The bodies were floating now, coming closer. His own corpse lay, beautifully split open, riddled with bullets and covered in a peppering of orange feathers-

The taste of bile alerted him to wake up as he stumbled out if his bed, sheets clinging to his sweaty, thin frame. He sprinted down the hall, bursting into the bathroom and throwing up into the toilet. His entire body was shaking, his eyes closed tight in pain as more puke splashed into the bowl. The shower turned off, alerting him that Bro was in the bathroom already. The curtain opened and Bro hastily wrapped a towel around his waist, looking concerned at him. He reached out through the steam that was surrounding him, touching his forehead.

"You're burning up, Dave."

He must have just gotten back from another night working the club and had been getting the grime and layers of sweat and spit off of him. Dave flushed the toilet, looking up at his exhausted brother's face. It spoke a silent tiredness brought on by this shit. A tiredness that Dave had caused him over the years.

"It's nothing," Dave finally answered, his voice sounding whiny and exhausted as well.

"Come on, up we go."

Nothing was more embarrassing than a 16 year old about to get picked up by his naked older brother, so as soon as Bro's hand touched his shoulder he shrugged it off. Standing, he leaned against the counter for support, trying to pretend he was fine. He started brushing his teeth, eyes closed to protect him from the harsh glare of fluorescent lighting above.

"Was it another nightmare?" Bro asked.

Dave gave him half a shrug in response, which Bro took to mean a yes.

"Worse than before?"

Dave's lack of answer as he spit his toothpaste out and started rinsing with mouth was answer enough. The nightmares had been bad before, but they had returned shortly after his 16th birthday in December. They had gotten worse as the New Year occurred, and as April started, they had gotten significantly worse. They had become a nightly occurrence.

"We need to go back to the therapist," he said, his voice tense as he watched Dave.

"No."

Dave's answer was short, his voice full of venom. There was no way that he'd go back on his own. He'd have to be dragged, screaming. They didn't want to know the truth. They wanted to all pretend something else. It was all a hoax put on by teenagers. Teenagers who were seeking attention.

Sburb wasn't real.

He walked out of the bathroom, looking down, feeling cold and sore. His brother followed him, padding softly on the thick carpet. Dave glanced back.

"Go put on some fucking pants, Bro." Dave said. His voice sounded exhausted as he opened the door to his room, completely dark. Just like that place had been. Dark, cold. Lonely. "I'm going to back to bed.

Flip this hot mess before it's too late."

"Alright, Dave."

It was just another lie on a long list of lies that Dave had told over the past few years. Bro knew it was, but the fucks were nonexistent when it came to this one. This wasn't one that would cause much trouble. As Dave shut the door, he turned to leave and get dressed in his own room. The last three years were hell for both him and Dave. He shut his door and leaned against the frame. Exhaustion clouded his thought, and he briefly thought about calling "Dad" in order to figure out if this was happening with John.

Dave laid back down on his bed, not bothering with the sheets. It was getting harder to sleep. He checked his iPhone, seeing it was just past four in the morning. There was only one person who would understand how he felt that he could still talk to. Only one who might comprehend.

And it was his birthday.

**TurntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 4:13 AM**

**TG:** happy birthday dude

 **TG:** rake in any sweet loot?

 

 

**John (1)**

He is currently at a tea party. For some reason, the cat one keeps insisting that he eats cake, that he has to have it. In his dreams, he never refuses cake. The tall one with the broken horn and teeth and glasses has refused to let her go. You've only ever seen one of him, and he often has the cat one on him.

John Egbert has been dreaming of them since he was 13 years old. However, he has never been able to remember their names.

Their voices tune in and out of focus. They were never wrong, but they were never quite right either. None of them were correct, he was certain of that. It was like a radio that was a couple of degrees off the right station or at the end of its wavelengths. It was more like his piano, when the strings had the tiniest hint of begging to them, needing to be tuned soon. The colors were off like an over exposed film or bad lighting or an over eager flash bulb.

The color red was missing.

He didn't know why he thought that suddenly. There was no reason around him that would make him want the color red, that made his heart beg for it. There was a tap on his shoulder, followed by the lowest, quietest of purrs. The hand was ridiculously warm, far warmer than a human's would be. That was how trolls worked. He leaned into that hand, closing his eyes, trying not to break down inside his dream. The feeling of forgetting came over him. It was an unshakable amnesia.

A black sweater, grey skin.

His eyes opened and he looked out into his bedroom, almost completely unchanged in the years. The same posters were there, though he had covered them up with new ones. That stupid birthday present was stashed in the confines of his closet. He never wanted to see it again. He could hear the wind outside, a constant gusting, as if lulling him to sleep. He let out a shaky breath, the posters in his room rustling. The dim morning light lay across his face, and he was vaguely aware that his pillow was wet. He had been crying again. Most nights fading to morning ended this way, passing into the haze of memory and the fog caused by antidepressants and whatever other medication they deemed fit. Most dreams ended painfully for him.

It had already taken the better part of three years to remember them at all, and still he knew that there was a lot missing, and one figure in particular. Their names were foreign, unintelligible sounds, and unpronounceable tongue twisters that always left his mind hurting. They were riddles in the dark to him.

"I want to stay dreaming."

The words are out of his mouth, even though he hadn't thought them. They were true however, forming from a twisted piece of his shattered heart. He wanted to curl up and die upon realizing that they were unbearably true. As time passed, his life seemed better asleep, with them. Whoever they really were, they were better than being in the haze of drugs and pianos, show time medleys and blurred hours of endless school work and running. Running had become his new hobby, simply because he was so used to attempting to run away now. He reached for his glasses, almost not willing to start another day.

The sound of glass shattering made him sit up quickly, putting the glasses on his face with more force and less accuracy than he should have had. He stared at the door, not moving, until his dad yelled at him. Barking filled the air, and John audibly groaned. At least now everyone would have a shitty morning.

"BOY! YOU SHUT HER UP NOW!"

Even yelling, his dad's voice had hints of pain and sadness, as well as a large dose of frustration. John wasn't even sure when he had stopped getting upset at it, and had fallen into a numb acceptance of their new family life. He got to his feet, feeling unsteady and ungainly. Mentally, he was 19 years old. Physically, his body had just reached his 16th birthday for the second time. It had grown differently this time, as if the lack of flying had disrupted its growth, and every inch he gained was painful. It felt like fire on his nerves.

More drugs, more medication.

"YOU HEAR ME BOY?"

"Yes Dad!" He calls back.

He slides on his shoes, doing anything that would help ease the pain this morning, and left the dark confines of his den of wallowing and into the brightly lit hall. Sometimes, he had dreamt about flying as well. He missed it, wanted it, needed it, but it wasn't like he could tell his dad. His dad had made it clear that none of this was real. His dad didn't believe him.

At least he wasn't alone.

He pushed the door open to what had once been the guest bedroom, and now belonged to one Jade Harley. She was constricted by her sheets at the moment, wrapped tightly around her body. Growls and whines escaped her throat as she fought against them. They were inhuman sounds that terrified his father into no longer coming in here to wake her up after and during her nightmares. John didn't mind them, not after living with them for six years now, by their count at least.

"Jade."

His voice sounded exhausted. He sat next to her. It had been three years since his ecto-sister had gone grimbark, and she still suffered the side effects. She let out another pathetic whine. It had taken convincing to get his dad to believe about the girl on the island who needed their help after the session. It had taken more to convince her to let her move in with them, but he and Dave knew that she couldn't be out there alone. They were going mad enough with people around them, and she was in isolation. She didn't deserve to be alone. He gently shook her shoulder.

"Jade," he says a bit louder this time.

Her eyes open at last, tears spilling out, and her body shaking. Her breathing came in ragged gasps and she finally looked up at him. Her green eyes contorted, mirroring the deep rooted heart ache. The two of them untangled her, and she hugged him tight, crying bitter tears of the heart broken. They held each other for what felt like another eternity, another cycle of three years, and she finally managed to mumble out something in a raspy voice.

"Happy birthday, John."


	2. Broken Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose and Jade's introductions into the Refrain universe. 
> 
> Warnings for Blood, Scarring, Heavy Drinking, and Snausages.

**Rose (1)**

Bottles and empty glasses litter the floor of her bedroom. Some of them are broken, most are intact. Rose Lalonde is the only one who hasn't dreamt of them since turning 16. She finds the dreams too painful, and instead has drunk her way to the point of passing out every night. Her mother, afraid of what might happen otherwise, has allowed this to go on. She may not approve of it, but this Rose terrified her.

Rose is currently passed out on the bed. Her mother enters her room quietly, looking into the cool darkness to the lump on the bed, surrounded by glinting bottles. She carefully walks over the bottles, picking up clothes and depositing them in the hamper or folding and putting up the clean ones. She is methodical, far more sober than she had been and far more sober than Rose. She sighed, going to her closet and pulling out a garment bag, laying it over a nearby chair. Pulling out several pristine outfits, she packed them before once more turning to Rose.

"Rose, time to wake up! Today's the big day."

She briefly wondered if her daughter would even remember what the big day was at this point, let alone the date. Rose mumbled a response, turning over, and sending a cascade of bottles down to the floor.

"You're seeing  _John_  today," her mother told her.

She sat up as quickly as a blacked out 16 year old could. Her mother smiled at her, watching those glazed eyes attempt to focus.

"…Egber?"

Her voice sounded exhausted, pulling from the depths of her consciousness that she had slowly been drowning.

"Yes, honey. Egbert."

Her mother then proceeded to pack up her violin, and set it out in the hall with her garment bag for safety.

"John, Jade, and Dave will all be there, remember?"

"Shrider."

She slurred so easily, staring at her mother from the depths of her alcoholic state, trying to put pieces together meant for a sober mind. She blinked owlishly, before giving up and looking around in her bed for a bottle with alcohol in it, only finding empty ones. Her mother sighed, patting her head.

"Rose, go take a shower. It's time to get ready."

"….kay."

Rose stumbled out of the room to do what she was told. Her mother sighed again, sitting down on Rose's bed. At least while she was gone, she could clean the room. It's true, she could just simply stop buying the booze, force her girl to sober up, but that thought terrified her. There was something wrong with Rose.

On April 13th, three years ago, her daughter had woken up screaming, flying through the house. She demanded that her mother hand over her copies of SBurb, of a game that had never existed, failing at the beta stage. She swore at her, and then proceeded to break down sobbing. It wasn't her daughter, it was a foreign creature that had set up home in her. Her Rose had never acted this way, not even as a toddler. She had spiraled through hysterics, slamming her fists against the floor and screaming a name over and over again. She had screamed until she had gone hoarse, sobbed until she couldn't breathe anymore, and just lay on the floor.

Kanaya.

There was no record of this girl or that a girl like this ever existed. There was no "Kanaya Maryam" out there. Rose spent weeks, shut up in her room, searching for her. She spent it drinking more to fill the emptiness, disappearing from the world. She destroyed the house slowly. She broke every fancy wizard, tore down the shrine on the fridge, and burnt her books.

She covered up the paint on her walls, threw out her knitting, and only wore the colors yellow, orange and jade. There always had to be jade, no matter what she wore. Rose Lalonde became a master of the occult, a true mistress of the night. Her drunken ramblings had made her relatively famous. Paranormal researchers hung onto her every word, they followed her like she preached a new religion. She became most knowledgeable about vampires, her knowledge seeming to come naturally to her, along with her research and her findings. She disproved many myths about them, and even uncovered a few cults who practiced blood-letting and drinking.

Her violin could no longer sound happy. Its very soul had become mournful. Its very essence has become depressed.

Rose Lalonde was a shadow of the girl that she used to be. There was no light left in her. Sburb had ended, Kanaya was gone, and she never wanted to remember. She had only lost the thing that she cared for most, and nothing could fill that hole in her heart.

Rose Lalonde was the saddest girl in the universe, and no one could convince her otherwise.

 

**Jade (1)**

She is on an airplane and this is way way way way way too exciting, she realizes. There is a wish deep in her mind that she could wag her tail but it has been ages since she had a tail to wag. Bec had to stay behind this trip but he will keep her new dad safe while she can't protect the house. That is Jade Harley's job and she loves it. She briefly climbs into John's lap, but luckily he doesn't wake up as she wants to explore the plane. He has her safely tucked into a window seat, and that is probably good because it's a long way from Washington to Texas to not be allowed to play and explore.

She's not all dog, but she's not all girl. She's terrorized psychologists enough that her Dad doesn't bother finding her new ones but they love giving her drugs but she's smart and gets them out of her food like a smarty should. She sighs, settling down, when the nerves of distress reach her and she knows that her brother is upset. She turns to his face, hurriedly wiping away the tears that pool from underneath his eyelids. It wouldn't be good if their teacher caught him crying. It'd be very bad indeed. The two of them were almost not allowed to go on this trip, and it had taken months of being on her best best best behavior in order to be permitted. She knew it was more her fault than his if he hadn't been allowed to come, and John needed this.

She knew that she couldn't help John the way that she used to, even though she wanted to. He was caught in a dream. Most nights he cried, and she did too. She looked out the window again, imagining how good the strong wind would feel on her head. How good it had felt, standing on the helm of a ship, blasting through the void as she watched the nothingness race by. Jade Harley was still smart- she was incredibly clever and her mind was still hard wired for science.

She turned to John, hurriedly wiping away more tears as her doggy nature faded, leaving the cool, calm, and collected 16 year old girl in its place. She sighed. John's dreams had been slowly getting worse over the years, but nothing compared to what had happened the last few weeks. She, of course, was already ahead of him in her own dreams, but knew she just couldn't tell him what the answers were. It wouldn't be fair to him.

John had really suffered, and so had she, but the two of them had suffered in different ways. She sighed, looking down at her hands and lower arms. Now that she wasn't as tan, the scars on her body were harder to see. She couldn't actually remember any of her time on the island after the hard reset of their game. She had simply woken to her consciousness one day, strapped to a bed and having John there, his head resting on the bed. His hand had been over one of her own heavily bandaged ones. He had fallen asleep there, and she had really wondered who he was for a moment.

There had been growling and barking until he looked up, alarmed, and in that ridiculous just finishing puberty voice of his, she remembered him.

"Jade!"

"John?"

Jade wondered what she had done on that island for those two long weeks. While Sburb had returned to her memory, those weeks never did. She had been there for weeks, healing, trying to get better, and John had convinced his father to not only take her in but adopt her as well. She had left the island- warm, familiar, and now incredibly foreign to her- and had moved to her new "home" in Washington. It was cold, it was rainy, and it felt caged. However, there was something there that she needed, far more than she had needed Bec, for Bec hadn't kept her sane.

She needed John Egbert.

Her own memories of being grimbark seemed skewed and confusing. Her time serving her master, The Condescension, felt foggy. She wanted to remember, she wanted to forget. One thing was certain. She couldn't remember the trolls very well. She weirdly remembered The Condesce and the alpha kids, but trolls?

There were no trolls that were right. Maybe it was because of her now partial colorblindness, but she just knew there should be grey. The idea of grey consumed her, and it kept her up at night. It ate at her like a cancer. It was a particular shade of grey, different than the others. This one was special.

She smiled to herself, pulling out the stuffed animal of a crab and petting it. It had become a sort of comfort object to her. Like most of her stuffed animals, it showed hints of her chewing on it, though she had at least taken care to use patches to fix him back up. She really wanted to grab a snack right now and eat some Snausages, but that was out of the question. She knew better than to actually eat them in front of people, especially their teacher. She glances back to John, who is sound asleep, though he still looked sick and tired.

She knew she didn't look much better. Her body felt foreign to her, it felt painful, and she didn't like it. It was thinner than before, taller as well, and now, it was covered in scars from running wild on an island. She didn't look like a wild animal, but she was one.

Now, she had to do what she knew to do as a sister and John's service dog. He needed to get to Dave Strider, who would be able to understand him more than she did. The clever girl faded as she saw a bird flying below, and she was once again way way way way way too excited to be trapped in a window seat on a plane somewhere on her way to Houston. She reached into her bag, grabbed a milk bone, and quickly ate it before anyone could see her. Her butt kind of wiggled as she wagged a non-existent tail and her crab dangled out of her mouth.

Jade Harley thought herself to be a very good dog indeed.

 


	3. The Cancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Dave; Getting to the airport.  
> No major trigger warnings in this chapter.

**John (2)**

John Egbert of course was more responsible than Jade Harley, who almost was forced to wear a child leash to the airport. He had taken care of packing their stuff in the car, making sure that she had packed more than a microscope and dog toys, and had remembered to bring her flute. He was, as always, at the mercy of whatever pianos they had gathered for the event and for the rehearsal spaces. Luckily they were pretty good about it. He and Jade were about to go to Houston, Texa,s and by some weird luck, Rose Lalonde played a violin perfectly drunk or sober, not that she had played sober for a few years. This would be the first time the four of them would be together since they were fourteen, and two years was an eighth of their lives, so that was a long time to not be together. It was even better that today was his birthday.

John Egbert missed his friends of course, mainly because they still believed him. They remembered Sburb as well.

Sburb wasn't a closed incident. It was reported to be a scam set up by kids, but the parents of those who made it through a long amount of time in the game had to admit that there was something wrong. Most of them wanted to believe it was false though, mainly because they didn't want to believe such horrid things were adult wanted to believe they had died. Dad didn't want to believe them, even if John grew three inches overnight and he knew about Jade Harley, alone on an island. Who now barked and was known on occasion to chase a car or two as if that was normal. At least they had managed to get that under control.

Basically, they wanted to pretend that nothing traumatizing had happened to their kids in a video game that had destroyed the world once upon a time. At least, until they had to admit that their child was certifiable.

John Egbert not only had played Sburb, he also really liked shitty movies by Nicholas Cage, Starbucks and had been known on occasion to throw tantrums in his driveway over stupid shit. His memory was probably more whole and more broken than the others because of the fact that he managed to glitch himself in the game. He wanted to remember, but was only able to forget.

Right now, however, he had to push the thoughts of Sburb and his friends to the side because he was holding Jade Harley's hand in an airport, simultaneously looking for their teacher and trying to figure out if he was supposed to get their tickets or if he had already gotten them.

To be fair, their teacher wasn't exactly thrilled with bringing them along, and seemed almost too thrilled that they had requested to not stay at the hotel. It could be because his school was bringing six students and two teachers already, and that the two students going to a host house would save on some pretty expensive hotel feels. He figured it was mainly because of Harley, who kept trying to slip off since her dog senses seemed to be taking over. He kept a firm grip on her as they made their way through the airport with their luggage.

He'd be in the air soon with Jade, and the two of them would land in Texas about half an hour before Rose.

"John!"

He turned to see his teacher, already with the other students around him.

"Alright, good, you're here, let's get everyone checked in then, and we'll head up to our departing gate. You have Jade? Very good."

It didn't take long for them to get through luggage checks but John had to check Jade's carry on again. Even though he had checked it out before they left, she tried packing another box of dog treats with her. He promised to buy her some when they made it to Texas, but for now, all he wanted to do was get on the plane and get there.

It didn't take too much effort getting them checked in, though they were asked if someone had smuggled a pet because Jade somehow snuck her favorite chew toy back into her carry on (she was still a very clever girl, John had to remind himself). Soon enough, they were relatively safe with Jade smushed and belted into a window seat as John took the aisle. No one really cared, no one wanted to sit next to them. He waited till they got into the air before making himself busy, getting out a book and his sheet music to study. He put on some headphones, given to him on his 15th birthday by one Dave Strider, studying the cadence and the pauses in the music.

Eventually he fell asleep, even though that was the last thing he wanted to do. Even in closing his eyes, he was flooded by images of trolls.

In his dream, he was playing that song. The refrain. His hands ghosted over the keys, but even in his dream, he knew that this piano was out of tune. It sounded like he wasn't really playing this piano. He kept picking up the slightest hints of feedback. He groaned, and wanted to stop playing. His hands hesitated on the keys.

"WHAT THE FUCK, EGBERT. KEEP PLAYING. IT'S THE ONLY USEFUL THING YOU'VE DONE SINCE LEAVING, SHIT STAIN."

He jarred the notes, his breath catching in his throat. That voice. There was nothing out of tune or out of focus about it. He whipped around, almost falling off of his stool because in front of him, clarity was achieved for the first time. This troll was the right color. He was grey and John knew that this grey was right even though this troll was hiding the color red.

The troll crossed his arms and huffed, looking away. The cancer symbol on his sweater was even correct. John Egbert swallowed, standing up so quickly he stumbled and floated up and over to him. He reached out his arms, trying to hug him, only to jar awake, his sister shaking at him.

"John, no no no please don't cry the teacher, he's going to notice and we can't have that." She whined out, looking at his face in concern. He looked at her, his blue eyes staring at her green ones.

"Jade I dreamt of him."

"Him who?"

"I dreamt of the cancer."

**Dave (2)**

 

 

He is now Dave "Twerk Team Captain" Strider whenever he works a shift. Since losing that bet with Bro, He can be sure to find himself twerking it out almost nightly. Today's selection was Lady Gaga's  _Boys Boys Boys_ and he was well aware that he might hate his brother forever for this, judging by the large amount of flashes that are going off on the dance floor. Of course that's until Bro starts putting singles into his skinnies, and Dave can't help but laugh. He got him a job at the club as well, partially to get Dave out of the house for once and partially to keep an eye on him. It was fine as long as Bro was near him or he was up on the booth, away from the crowd.

Dave glanced down at his watch then waved, pointing towards the workers door. This was it. His friends- the only ones he had kept from his strange former life as the pinnacle of make-me-a-meme hipsterdom, for having friends in real life was way too mainstream – they would be arriving today. He grabbed his stuff from his locker and grinned, walking out into the fading sunlight and swapping shades for even better tinted ones to keep the light out of his eyes.

"DAAAaaaAAAvEEVEEE"

The squeal of fan girls was probably worse than the smell of skank that he tended to get accumulate at work no matter what time of the day he worked. Dave honestly was more than a bit shocked that his bro managed to get management to agree to let him work there, even though he was only 16. Whatever, no skin off his back. Bro was connected in all the right places after all.

Until like a forty year old woman would grind on him and he had to stop and wonder what the hell she drank that made him look like a legal adult.

Besides the fact that he was already ridiculously tall to begin with, and that he had facial hair coming in as of this year (finally). Coupling that with the piercings he got anywhere you could get away with at 16, and that his bro would also let him get (he drew the line at nipple piercings), and half a homemade tattoo that he wasn't willing to admit to anyone that halfway through he pussied out on. Those were things that probably made him look a few years older than what he was.

Again, no real skin off of Dave Strider's back.

He avoided the fan girls, skipping his cherry red convertible for once, mainly because that only had two seats and no room for his back pack let alone luggage for three. Well that was the plan, he had no idea if they made it through. For all he knew Jade could have been arrested for chasing planes or trying to pack a rifle, and Rose may have been detained and transferred to rehab instead. They were just normal sixteen year old problems for people who were really nineteen and dead inside.

At least that's what he liked to tell himself. He sighed, getting into the pick-up truck instead and turned the engine over, buckling up and starting to drive. He'd need to get on the highway in order to make it there on time. He narrowly avoided the leeches as they attempted to latch onto his Strider swag and charm as if they were vampires and he had the choicest of bloods. Not that they haven't bitten him before, causing unavoidable debilitating flash backs of a girlfriend from outer space that supposedly never existed. The girl who had to lick and taste everything. Old What's her name. That was the worst part. No matter what, no matter how hard he thought, Dave couldn't remember their names and that fucking hurt a part of him that he never was able to understand. Of course, he could always just name the trolls, as they were figments of his imagination. First he'd have to check with the others to see if they were okay with him naming them. Maybe they could name four each to keep it fair.

It didn't make sense. He could picture her red shades, the exact curve of them, and her sharp teeth and long, course tongue licking over them-

The blaring car horn reminded him that he was actually driving in heavy Houston traffic instead of sitting at home. He needed to get his head off of her and pay attention. He needed to forget his "imaginary" ex-girlfriend for a bit.

What even happened? They were all supposed to end up together in the end. Jade was so sure of it. At the end of the game, they were supposed to create a new universe for them all to live in. Together. The trolls needed to take the prize because they needed it to revive their race. No, instead, the four kids got vaulted back to an Earth that was foreign, that was painful, that despised them and Dave was torn away from that nubby horned  _dipshit-_

He pulled over to the side of the road with such force that a car horn blared at him, swerving into the next lane. Dave ignored the fact that he almost caused a pile up because he was unable to breathe correctly. He slumped over the steering wheel, aware that this was the first time he had managed to remember one Karkat Vantas perfectly. Three years of fighting, three years of trying to remember. He felt his chest seize up and his vision went blurry. He was on the edge of another anxiety attack. He needed to calm down and get to the airport. The others would end up waiting. No, he was too busy crying his eyes out in a pick-up truck over  _Karkat. Fucking. Vantas._  He tried pushing him out of his mind while simultaneously wanting to drag him in and tie him down there. He took a deep shuddery breath, trying to calm down enough to drive.

He was overwhelmed as it all came flooding back like a pained memory. Every troll, dead or alive. Aradia, Sollux, Tavros and Vriska stared at him through pupil-less eyes. Nepeta was being held by Equius. Now in death, he was the moirail she had deserved in life. Kanaya with her ridiculous tortured grammar and horrid names for punctuation just seemed to haunt him like an overprotective mother. Gamzee Makara, that stone cold mother fucker. Feferi, Eridan.

_Terezi._

His mind barely whispered her name, almost refused to acknowledge it. He felt his heart break and he felt his heart mend in the same moment. He really was crying now. He was ready to break down and die. He clung to the steering wheel and managed to flip on his hazhards, as he took another deep, shuddering breath.

And then there was Shouty McHot Dog Nubs himself. Dave remembered promising him that he would not be forgotten. He remembered the promise for all these years but the troll it was about had escaped him. He had spent hours on end, trying to fill in the holes until his mind literally ached. Now, driving to the airport he had been hit like wrecking ball into an old building.

At long last he pulled himself upright, able to convince himself that he was okay to drive. He whispered a small thanks to the genetics that made him light sensitive and had to wear sunglasses. At least now Dave wouldn't have to explain to his friends why he had been crying his eyes out going down the highway. Having to inform John Egbert that he had been crying over Karkat Vantas was something he didn't want to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this like a hobbit birthday, and my present to you is a new chapter of Refrain! 
> 
> And yes, today's my birthday. (July 26)


	4. Hangovers & Layovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Lalonde, and her flight to Texas.   
> Featuring snow in NY, Sun in Texas.  
> Salt Water present.

**Rose (2)**

 

 

The pounding started in her head somewhere around the time that Rose Lalonde realized that she was on a plane in the air. She looked around, trying not to panic, when she found a folder tucked in with her. She opened the black music folder to its velvet lined insides. Her mother had outdone herself this time, getting the shitty school folder lined, but Rose did appreciate the note inside it for once telling her exactly what the fuck was happening.

_Rose Baby!_

_Hi good morning honey it's good to have you reading this cause srsly you were like soooo wasted! Anyway, I hope you realize that you're now on a plane, and you'll be heading to warmer climates!_

The next few lines were blurred out and faintly smelled of martini.

_Woops! Spilled my drink a lil bit but no worries it'll be dried out by the time you read it! Anyway, congratulations on your excellent violin playing this year, baby girl! You're going to do great at the Music Festival down in Houston-_

Music Festival? Since when was she even auditioning for these things or remotely interested in them? These were more of a John Egbert thing. He'd do well sitting with a bunch of neatly dressed high schoolers playing instruments. At least she was going somewhere warm, it would be nice to get away from the foot and a half of snow.

_-and I'm going to assume that you're not going to be thrilled about that because it's what's best for you right now silly! You actually are really going to love being there, trust me! This year, you, Jade, and John all got in!_

Rose stopped reading, and she scrambled around before shutting the window shade to the plane. Above the almost permanent cloud cover, there was no rest from the sunshine. She groaned, putting the tray table down and putting her head on it. As she did, she found that there was a water bottle and a bottle of travel pain killers in there. She took a few, then chugged her water. She found a carry-on bag with her, and she dug in it, finding the purple headphones that Dave had given her. The noise around her melted away and the pounding in her head seemed to lessen. She let out a deep breath. These would have come in handy that one time on L-

Her mind screeched to a halt and she returned to her letter. Her hands were trembling. Dave, Jade, John. She had to focus on the three of them, because apparently she was going to be spending the next six hours sober and she couldn't take that. She turned on some music (according to the sticky note, she had the seven songs she had been practicing on her violin on there). She sighed, and then went back to the letter, looking at the pink lettering.

_I'm sure you don't remember talking about it at all and I hope by now you found the painkillers and water I got for you. I got you all situated hopefully without too much trouble. Anyway, in case you missed it, you're going to HOUSTON. Since you're the only kid from your school going, *wink wonk* I got it so you're going to be part of John's group and you're going to be staying at the Strider's place! Isn't that nice! I'm sure they made room for the three of you to live there for a bit._

Rose put the letter down, her heart filling up with happiness. She was going to be with the three of them! She was going to be staying with Dave and Jade and John! She hadn't properly prepared a prankster's gambit, nor did she have proper defenses against them. If John had kept it up, he'd probably be light years ahead of the rest of them.

But, she didn't know.

She panicked. Were they even her friends anymore? She hadn't spoken to them hardly, and if she did she certainly didn't remember it. She bit her lower lip, looking through her bag, hoping to scroll through her pesterlog. She pulled out her phone and saw that it was already locked on airplane mode. That's right. No texting and flying. She sighed, setting it down, hoping that they wouldn't hate her.

Until she saw the date.

"FUCK."

She hadn't gotten anything for John's Birthday, she hadn't thought about it. She swore again, knocking her water bottle over and spilling it. She leaned back, taking a deep breath as a flight attendant came over.

"Is there a problem, Ms. Lalonde?" he asked, looking at her.

She slid off her headphones, blushing, looking down.

"I'm sorry, I just spilled my water, it surprised me and I almost got it on my sheet music." She managed to sound calm but inside she felt horrid. Luckily, she had a few connecting flights so she could manage to hopefully snoop around during a wait.

"Right, I'll be back with a towel and we'll get it cleaned up."

He wasn't irritable, he wasn't cheerful, but as he walked away, she could hear him mumbling about needing to post about underage minors on planes when they'd clearly been drinking.

She sighed, moving her stuff and putting it safely in her carry on. As she did, she saw a blue packaged with a green ribbon on it, and an unsigned birthday tag. It too had one of the sticky notes attached to it and she peeled it off, reading it. On it was a detailed description of what was in this present, and the tag was left blank for her to just sign.

At least her mother was keeping tabs on her friends when she couldn't. She should have been, she knew that, but it was just too painful to remember anything especially K-

She swerved her thought process, narrowly avoiding catastrophic meltdown as the flight attendant returned, handing her a towel since he'd have to get in her lap to clean it up. She carefully wiped up the mess before returning it to him, her hands shaking.

"Are you alright, Miss?" he asked.

"No, I'm not."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked, managing to sound concerned.

"I'm afraid that you can't fix the saddest girl in the universe, sir," she said, smiling at him.

* * *

She managed that flight fine and even got to the correct connecting flight in the city. Her heart felt heavy, and she felt increasingly sick, wanting a drink, wanting to get back under before it was too late, but as she hit hour three she hit a wall. There was no saving her from the melt down. She sat there, looking at the wall, her violin music playing in her ear as Kanaya just filled her up. Her skin felt cold, she felt her heart rate quicken as she remembered those black and jade lips biting at her, holding her as they-

She did manage to quiet down the memories. She couldn't remember anyone else really, but three years in the luminescent embrace of Kanaya Maryam made her heart practically stop in pain. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep.

"Rose This Behavior From You These Past Three Years Has Been Deplorable I Must Inform You That You Have Been Causing Me Great Stress."

"M'sorry, Kan I just got busy feeling sorry for myself."

She opened her eyes up, looking across the satin sheets to her eyes, those eyes that were starting to fill in. She and Gamzee seemed to mature faster than the other trolls they had been with. It seemed surprising to her how fast she remembered Gamzee Makara. She sat up, looking around.

"No If You Look Too Much You Will Have To Go Rose And Then I Will Be Left Here Alone Again And You Have Already Been Gone So Long."

"What do you mean? I mean seriously Kanaya it's just a dream."

She made a note that she'd have to check with her friends who researched divination and discuss vampire alien girlfriends with them.

"Rose No You Need To Stop-"

A screeching filled her ears as she blinked and found herself looking at the wall of the plane again. She dug around, finding more of her painkillers, attempting to take quite a few, until she noticed her mother had been kind enough to only pack a safe amount. She sighed, taking the remaining ones, and leaned back.

Kanaya Maryam was taking over her mind again, and she didn't like it.

She landed a couple hours later, and she was aware that she had the worst headache of her life. She went into a shop and bought some cheap aviators, putting them on her head and unzipping her coat. Houston was already too hot for her, she decided. She went, and wanted to find her luggage and her friends.

"ROSE ROSE ROSE ROSE."

The collision against her side sent her slamming to the ground, and the licks at her cheeks informed her that either a hairless dog or Jade Harley attacked her. She opened her eyes, glad it was the latter. Jade had grown up as well, and seemed to be doing rather well for a girl who believed she was still part dog.

"JOHN JOHN I FOUND HER I FOUND HER!"

She heard swearing, and an unfamiliar yet similar voice to one she used to know so well. She got up, helping Jade up as well and keeping an arm on her. John Egbert walked towards her, stretching out at about 5'10" towering over her 5'6" self. She looked up, blinking in surprise.

"Dammit Jade the teacher's screaming for us to go back to him!" he said, groaning.

He then looked surprised, looking at Rose, actually looking at her, and she offered him a weak smile. He looked upset, and she noticed that she hadn't been the only one crying during the flights to Texas. He smiled at her, wrapping him tight.

"You look… different." She settled.

This time he had grown a couple inches taller, and he wasn't as thick as before. His arms weren't used to wielding the large hammers from in the game. This life had been almost sedentary in comparison for them. He nodded.

"You did too."

He really meant that she was shorter instead of his equal in height. She knew it too, having been drinking had added more curve to her than before, and had stunted her growth the tiniest bit. Jade Harley was nothing like she had been before. She was almost sickly thin, and there were still scratches and scars over her, even after three years. She however, didn't seem to care as she was munching on a milk bone from her carry on. She raised an eyebrow at Egbert, and he shrugged.

"It kept her from chasing the planes." He mentioned casually.

Almost too casually.

"It's good to see you two again," Rose said, smiling. "And happy birthday, John." She kissed his cheek


	5. Alphas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally Presenting! Four new characters that want nothing to do with our old characters.   
> Now with 400% more alphas.  
> Jade Harley, being adorable too.

**The Alphas (1)**

"AW ROSIE! Was that your firsht kiss?" came a voice, slurring and purring at her.

John was the first one to whip his head around. He turned with such force it cracked and a few voices laughed. This girl was an equal in height to Rose, but she looked more fit, even if she did seem to exude the same alcoholic nature. She smiled, her purple scarf wrapping around her neck. She leaned against one of the males with her, but John was too busy staring _at_  her. He turned to Rose, then turned to the female before him.

"What the hell." He managed, his gaze still looking at the new girl.

"Rosie, you didn' tell yur friends about your big sis im hurt." She said, pouting.

"Roxy you knew she wouldn't. You even blathered about it on the flight in," one of the males said.

John turned his gaze to the blonde she was hanging on. This guy towered over him, and he wasn't exactly short. He wondered it if it was because he spiked his hair back like that. He popped his orange collar, his face turning to line up with his. From what John barely knew of the anime world, this guy was a hard core raver. He was wearing bright orange clothes that were tight fitting, and his shades looked like they were so sharp they should've been confiscated on the plane. The male nodded towards John. He nodded back, his neck feeling stiff.

"Oh, hush you two! You're embarrassing  _my_ Johnny and his friends and that won't do!" Another girl came forward, and went right over and hugged him tight. "This sugar cookie belongs to me and I'm not going to share him with any of you!"

He wrapped his arms around the now plumper Jane Crocker. He smiled at her and she stood on tiptoes as she kissed his cheek, causing him to go red. She looked at him with her caring eyes framed by her oval glasses, still lingering her touch. There was so much caring for him in that look that when she smiled, his heart seemed to melt a bit still. She let go a bit, looking back at her friends.

"You actually know this kid?" The orange one asked, turning his gaze towards her.

"Honey, John here and I have been together since he was just starting out. He's got some gifted fingers when it comes to playing the piano," she said, defending him. "John's going to be real competition for the senior solos if that teacher of his ever quits treating him like a child."

"Jane don't talk about him like that, he's not a bad guy," John said.

"No, he's just held you back thinking you were fragile." She replied.

The teacher in question came up, looking at the standoff happening. The alpha kids were well known, coming from a prestigious school from New York City. He had this group from Washington, from a wide area. Jade and John had been his students for three years now, and he knew that the two of them, if given the proper materials, would be well equipped to have the solos at the concert that concluded the festival.

"John, Jade, Rose, is your ride here yet?" He asked, addressing the three of them.

"Dave should be on his way now, sir, you should go if you want to make your check –in time," John told him, looking at the cute senior in his arms.

Once upon a time, he had had a crush on this girl. She had been perfect to him, comforting him at a time when no one else- not even his dad- would. She had reached out to the boy who had sworn that he knew her. Of course, she didn't know him. They were part of a different world, and no matter what they had done, she hadn't remembered Sburb at all. He wondered if it was a side effect of the mind control she had been under, much like Jade's.

"Alright. You have my number, you know what time to be at the rehearsal space in the morning. I'm going to hold you accountable for being there. You're in charge of this group."

He took the other four students, who merely looked away.

The six kids to be respected in the orchestra and big band sections were now gathered here. There were a few others they had to worry about, but the truth was with none of them playing the same instrument, there was no competition between them, save for pride.

"Are you done embarrassing me, sis?"

John's neck cracked loudly for the second time as he looked at Rose. She stood there, looking exhausted, looking too tired to be the Rose that he understood, because Rose has never mentioned a sister before. She had kept most of her family life quiet, but a  _Sister?_

"Oh, honey you didn't tell your little friends after all. I guess I wouldn't either, seeing as I make up horrid stories about aliens and stuff!"

"Says the girl with an unhealthy obsession and romantic interest in a  _Greek muse_ ," Rose tossed back.

"Wait, are you one of them, the kids from the hoax?" The blonde male spoke.

Rose opened her mouth to speak, but before she could answer, Jade Harley lapped them, looking at the strangers.

"Hi hi hi! You must be Dirk! And Janey! And Roxy and Jake! Jake Jake Jake Jake!" Jade spat out, practically running laps around them.

The group awkwardly froze, and Jade stopped, looking at John.

"Ah, the group who can't remember us." She said, ever so calmly.

The others stayed silent, stepping back and staring at her. She sat down, tilting her head a bit. Jade was having a lucid moment, where she was more the witch of space than even average sixteen year old girl. They looked at her like she was insane, but the truth was, John had a feeling she knew. She knew everything still, but never could express it.

"Well of course we don't, we aren't one of those idiots who played that game. You know, the one that doesn't exist." Dirk said. He put his arms around Jake and Roxy, practically commanding Jane with his gaze alone. She smiled at John, kissing his cheek.

"You and I will probably end up rehearsing together, so don't worry, we'll catch up this week," she said, smiling. "I promise."

She walked away, following Dirk as they went, tapping a faded blue headband. John smiled at her, waving goodbye. She walked on, looking down, shuffling a bit.

"Okay, what was that?" Jake said. "Kris Cringle on a cracker, that was right creepy how she knew our names."

"It's a Jade thing," Jane said. "You haven't met any of them before, but remember, Roxy and I  _have_  met them before. Roxy's little sis always used to do that, before she… you know."

"Swam in the rivers of the bar and decided to float," Roxy said.

Roxy giggled, falling back and holding Jane's hand, nuzzling her. The bubble gum pink girl was only too happy to comfort her friend. The two of them knew about Rose and John, and by connection, Dave and Jade, though this was their first time meeting face to face. Jane smiled at her.

"It's true, John did the same thing to me once. The first time we met was right after it happened, because the contest was held the first week of summer vacation back then. He was the only kid from his school, and I remember he was sitting there crying at the piano, playing the same refrain over and over again until his teacher made him stop. I was sitting at the harp in the same room, and my heart just reached out to him. Everyone there new the song, it was the 'Showtime Refrain.' It was mandatory that year. So, I started plucking it out, and he just turned, looking at me."

"I know that song, Rosie used to play it along with 'aggrieve'. She would play them for hours after that day." She said with a nod.

"Right, but he looked right at me and frowned. He actually ran away, and for some reason, I went after him. He just was sitting in the hall, crying his eyes out, and asked only one question. 'Can't you remember me, Jane?' Then he just…cried more."

"Rosie actually screamed that I couldn't be real. Imagine that! Her own sister!"

"Great, a bunch of creepy freshman think we're part of that  _absolute bullshit hoax._ " Dirk said. "And with my luck, and their luck, I'm sure I'll run into him."

"The other Dave Strider." Jake noted.

"The one that stole my dad's name."

 

 

**Jade (2)**

As they walked away, Jade turned to John and Rose, her butt stationary. She smiled at them. "It's okay that they don't really remember, you know," she said. "Because technically, since we 'never' played, their universe never had to be created. It's quite simple if you get the gist of it. Or should I say the grist of it?" she asked, laughing.

"Come on, let's go get our luggage," John said, not wanting to really push it.

She led the way to their conveyor belt, Rose promising to meet up with them after she picked up her purple squiddle bags. Jade smiled, watching the belt turn. She watched the bags, watching the colors, though they were off in the real world too.

Red.

Dave strider's family couldn't be together, because they were too similar. Dave had had an alpha version born, it was him, so that Dave and her Dave couldn't be in the same family. They had formed separate groups and her Dave was perfectly content being here in Texas with his bro anyway.

Orange.

Dirk Strider had fractured off. He had been in Texas too, but after a few months in Houston, his Dad, also Dave Strider, had moved them to San Antonio to work on a movie. Since then, Dirk rarely called Texas his home. He was happy there, not meeting this Dave. The two groups conflicted, like a funhouse mirror. Dirk and Dave. Dave and Bro. Bro and Dirk. It looped, creating too much of a paradox too work.

Blue.

The first blue was darker, it was her John Egbert. Her moving in with him had cemented his reality and created the fracture. He already had Dad and Nanna, even though Nanna was still dead. Jade had moved in. It was necessary to fix the holes, of course.

Light blue.

Jane had to be different. She was now the heir to Betty Crocker of course, and while her family had started in Washington, she had gone to music school in the city. She and John had been the first to meet. She couldn't be involved, she had too much of Nanna in her, and the fact that her dad was a pale image of who John Egbert was before caused the rift. They were incompatible. Being in the same family- being related at all- would cause them both to go crazy.

Green. Her green. She could see it clearly at least.

She knew that John would save her, she knew that she wouldn't meet Jake again for a very long time. It was still endearing to see how her grandson was doing. She knew that his granny was her, had been her. She knew she couldn't be involved. There was no room for her in his life.

Dark Green.

It was sad to know that the other her was dead, and that Jake had lost his family. Word was that the Crocker family had taken him in and was paying for his school. It was nice to know that Jane and Jake had ended up being there for each other just like she and Egbert did. Of course, the rumors were different. Those two may end up together, unlike she and John. That would have been gross.

She grabbed her suitcase, sitting on it as John waited for his.

Pink.

Roxy was the only choice, really. Her mom and Rose were very different creatures in the end. This Rose was flawed, unfortunately. Broken hearts could do that. She and her mom were still different. Roxy wasn't even like her mom. The altered Rose ended up altering her. She had the memories of a lifetime growing up with Rose and Mom. They didn't have fractured timelines. They were pieces that mainly fit.

Purple.

Rose was purple, but her purple was sad. She had been broken too badly. She needed the other pieces. Roxy was needed there. Rose was too sad to remember, to broken too forget. She had conflicting memories. She remembered a world without Roxy, and she remembered a world with her. It was doomed really. They all were kind of doomed in the end though.

Jade smiled to herself.

The alphas didn't have their own universe, and her last wish as they walked through the portal would be that they ended up meeting each other again. She could wish for that. The others would be wishing to see the trolls again, and she knew by now that they would all be remembering Karkat Vantas.

She pulled out her phone. Even though they had never been able to meet she knew that it would work.

**gardenGnostic started Pestering carcinoGeneticist**

**GG:** Hi Fuckass! Hee hee!

**GG:** I'm sorry it's been so long : _B_

**GG:** But!

**GG:** The others are remembering now.

**gardenGnostic ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist.**

Jade couldn't remember if there was anything else to do.

Then again, there was a ball rolling across the floor and it was going to be hers!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Jade's a bit whacked out but she's still really smart.


	6. Reunions

**Dave (3)**

After his crying jag, Dave somehow managed to get to the airport. He parked between the two companies they were flying in on, hoping that he'd see them come out. Unfolding his visor, he opened the mirror and looked at himself, checking his eyes. To him, it didn't seem to obvious that he had been weeping over a troll. He turned off the engine and pocketed the keys, intent on going in and finding them, intent on finding luggage and helping them drag it out. Luckily it was a warm day, so they could just pile it into the bed. He hopped out of the car, and the second he did, he was hit by a raven-haired missile in a poodle skirt. 

"HI DAVE HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI"

"hey jade" He managed, trying to breathe. The air had been knocked straight out of him, along with maybe his spinal column and skull. He put his hands on her back, fighting possible black out. He saw feet approaching through the haze.

"Hey Dave!"

He smiled at the sound of that geeky voice. It was the only way he had ever managed to describe John's voice. At least it was no longer that high pitched garbage he had to suffer through twice. John held his hands out to Dave, who instantly decided that John could leave some of his ass on the hot Texas pavement too. He yanked him down into the pile, forcing him to land unceremoniously on his lap. The three of them sat there, not making much noise. He was aware that normal people would be laughing, he was aware that he should be laughing, but laughing was hard to do. 

Getting up, he looked to see that John's face and cheeks were pretty red too, redder than they should have been.

"shit have you been crying already you just got here bro i am not having this touchy feely shit going on"

John scowled up at him, and Jade laughed.

"DAVE, YOU'VE BEEN CRYING TO!"

Yup, she was still definitely part dog because nobody else would be yelling that out loud. He felt his ears heat up.

"Aww bro, do you need to talk to.. *hic* a psychologish?"

He looked up from Jade and John to his ecto-sis, who looked like absolute shit at that moment. There was still some slurring prevalent, but Dave was willing to bet that she was having one hell of a hangover for being sober for the first time in a while. Probably close to all three years. She forced a smile and he felt pity for her, standing in those cheap aviators and having the hangover of a life time. He got up, then helped John and Jade to their feet.

"alright load her up so we can get on to my place"

"Oh, Dave! That accent of yours! I almost forgot how gloriously Texan you are," Rose teased again.

He rolled his eyes, then patted the truck bed.

"luggage and bitches in" he said, grinning at them.

They obliged quickly, most of them too delicate for prolonged exposure to heat (especially Rose and John, from the cold and rainy corners of the US). Dave climbed in last, starting up the engine and starting to drive. He made sure to turn the AC on, regretting his lack of jacket.

"So…" Jade said.

"so" Dave said the word, sounding almost finalized, his feelings on edge.

"Who's going to mention them first?" John asked.

"You apparently," Rose said, her voice tired. "Dave what's the chance of your brother buying-"

"none whatsoever" Dave said, glancing back at her in the mirror. "he refused to have any in the house after they released us i think he thought that i would pick up drinking and like be always drunk"

It wasn't a complete lie, based on his behavior those first few months. He did anything he could to just forget everything that happened, to stop the horror terrors that plagued him every night-

"I remember when John! When John got back! He always ate his dad's cake! But his cake is good!" She said, speaking in quick bursts.

"is that normal" Dave asked, glancing at the two of them in the back seat.

"Only after long trips." John said, his voice sounding pretty exhausted. He had managed to get shot gun and was stretching out.

Dave probably allotted that he sounded exhausted a lot, trying to take care of himself and Harley. Dave remembered joking about getting her a child leash and a shock collar to keep her at bay.

"good to know," Dave said in response, getting back onto the highway. "and yeah egbert you really trimmed down in two years you were really…"

"I admit that I resembled a real oink beast." John responded.

Dave's first response was to slam on the breaks, but he managed to barely refrain from that.

"That's something they'd say," Rose said with a faint sound of tears in her voice.

"i finally remembered their names" Dave admitted.

"I remembered them on the flight here," John added.

"Me too!" Jade practically barked.

"I dreamt of them this morning, I suppose ." Rose said.

"john you little shit we were waiting you to get back to sixteen as well thats really fucking annoying and unfair" Dave said. "jerk"

"Dick." John responded.

"cock sucker"

"Smuppet sucker."

"nook whiffer" Dave tossed back.

The insult just slid out. It was one of Karkat's favorites. Instead of getting somber, the truck burst out laughing, and Dave found himself crying again because it was getting hard to breathe from laughing too hard. A car drove past, being sure to offer as many birds as possible. Dave personally didn't give a shit, because the four of them were laughing and happy. It can't have lasted more than thirty seconds, but it was thirty seconds that the four of them had needed these last three years. Even if it was only his Earth buddies, and he knew that there were more missing from their circle.

Making it to the complex, he parked in the underground garage in his spot, getting out. The convertible wasn't back yet, meaning that Bro was still at work. He helped his friends with their luggage. It was hard to believe that they were lucky enough to all get into the Music Fest this year, and that Houston was the host city. If it had been somewhere else, Dave would have been the only one left out of the much needed reunion. He led them to the elevator and the four of them piled in, becoming a mess of instruments and baggage. Dave perched on top of John's suitcase, not having enough room to stand.

"john hit like the top floor will you" he asked, unable to lean over and hit the button himself.

John did as he was asked, and the doors luckily closed. After the familiar lurch (with some slight protests) the elevator rose. The doors opened up to a narrow hallway with only a few doors, and he led them down and into the pent house.

"its good to have you guys all here' he admitted off handedly.

"Yeah well, it's really good to be here Dave," John said.

"so uh we should probably get some dinner i mean im not sure what you guys would want but if you want we can like order pizza or chinese or something"

Dave wasn't sure how he felt about suggesting something so cheap as take out to his friends. They were probably used to organic food and home cooked meals. He knew that while he wasn't exactly hurting for cash, these guys actually lived like they had money. John shrugged eventually, somewhere between being let into the apartment and putting his bags down in the corner of the living room. Dave had managed to convince Bro to box up the smuppets for a week, plus lil cal. This Cal was different than before, but seeing that puppet had scarred him enough, let alone his friends.

"I can go for some low mein and chicken and pork and eggrolls."

John Egbert was seriously still a fat kid on the inside, not that there was any room for judgment or blame. After the game ended, Dave personally tried to eat two whole pizzas by himself every time Bro brought it home for dinner. After three years of meager eating trapped on a rock, he couldn't get enough of food. Eating till he puked every night, Bro had finally resorted to giving him rationed meals till that drive went away.

"Ugh I'm not so shure about this eating thing dave.' Rose admitted.

"rose eating fried food really helps with hangovers trust me" Dave told her, smiling.

The first few nights at the club were mad of binge drinking, drugs if he could snatch them, and of course smoking by the chain. Bro ended up having mercy on his ass, taking care of him after every episode till he realized that being taken care of by your brother was a lot worse than being sober. He flopped down on the couch, flipping through the numbers saved on his phone until he found a decent place, ordering enough food for eight adults. That roughly translated to two growing boys, a dog girl, and the drunk chick.

The four of them just sat around, not talking, until Dave finally broke the silence. He stood up, clearing his throat.

"right so rose jade you two are sharing the guest room and john we put a futon from work in my room for you to sleep on dude"

He led the girls to the "guest room" and let them in, simply a queen sized bed shoved in among the overflow of records and mixing equipment. He hoped that Harley wasn't going to be too destructive of the place and he then led John to his own room, the futon chilling out where his desk usually was, the equipment and aging computer placed on top of the dresser. Bro had moved finally, easing the almost daily panic attacks that Dave had been facing in their previous apartment. Everything was similar here, but he didn't wake up to nightmares where he puked until he sides ached and he couldn't move.

John put his luggage down, sliding it under the futon as Dave set up blankets and pillows for him. Dave flopped down onto the bed, and John sat next to him, letting out the slightest of yawns.

"so john now that were only sophomores again how does it feel to be thinking about college and shit"

"I don't think I'm going." He answered quietly, barely making a sound.

"what"

Dave had to admit that while college was far from his mind he figured that John would definitely want to graduate and go to college. He stared up at him, frowning.

"Yeah I said I don't think I'm going I mean I thought about it but I'm not really into it, so whatever. I don't want to spend another four to five years in school when I'm already feeling like I should be graduating and going out into the real world."

"man i know how you feel" he told him, sighing. "i dont even want to finish high school now let alone go on to college this is all just bullshit in the end"

"You want to know what makes it worse? I've seen Jane Crocker every year since we came back." He said, letting out the smallest of sighs.

"what no shit"

"She plays the harp like its nobodies business." He informed him.

"so shes like a superstar or what"

"Well one, she got into the music festival every year since like she was in grade school and two, she's gotten the solo every year as well so yeah she's pretty amazing. I had a crush on her before we played the game… now it's just awkward. She pretends that she doesn't know who I am either. I don't blame her. I saw Jake one year, and Roxy another."

"you saw roxy lalonde at the music festival in the past"

"Yeah, She plays the trombone. I can't believe that Rose didn't tell me they were  _sisters_ in this new Earth."

Dave sat up quickly, colliding into Egbert.

"ow shit wait roxy and rose are  _related in this time line and she didnt tell us"_

"Yeah I know, but I guess it was just too hard for her to be that close to someone with no memories of it at all, you know."

"yeah i guess" Dave said, laying back down on the bed. "so back to a topic that doesnt make me want to drink what are you going to do instead of college"

"I think after high school or when I'm 18 I'm probably just going to take the magic show on the road and see how I do. Magicians are coming back into style and I'm getting pretty good at what I do,' he admitted, grinning, with the faintest hint of pride in his voice.

"you should make that one stupid ass suit again" he added. "you always looked good in stupid suits like that"

He nods a bit in approval and Dave nods along as well. The two of them both seemed on edge, but neither made any attempts to ask why. These three years have been about surviving without talking, no matter how fucked up that truly was.


	7. Angel Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: Suicidal thoughts, fainting, shirtless boys, underweight boys, Bro being Bro, bad Chinese food and girly squeals from a 16 year old boy.

**Dave (4)**

Eventually, the two of them got up and wandered back to the living room. They sat on the couch, flipping through channels. Dave stopped when the most inhuman sound for a 16 year old boy to make came out of John Egbert, and he turned and stared at him.

“what the hell”

“Shut Up!” He squeaked out, turning red.

Dave turned his face back to the screen, to the Ghost Busters Marathon that was just announced, and laid back to enjoy some really shitty movies. It was going to really be hard not to hold this against him for the next couple of weeks. Really hard. John made sure to punch him as soon as that smirk crossed over his stoic face, just for good measure.

The noise that John had just made attracted the girls, of course, causing them to emerge out of the backs of the guest room and trudge down the hallway. It was more like a slow lumber on Rose’s part, more of a bouncing from Jade Harley. That girl was seriously going to need a tranquilizer dart or four to be put to sleep at night.

“Is someone dying- oh no, John just saw that his comedy icon was on T.V.” Rose managed.

She looked paler than before, and Dave was pretty sure that by her bloodshot eyes she had just spent a few minutes puking into the toilet bowl as well. At least his friends knew the proper use for it already. Jade sat down close by, snacking on a box of snausages that he had left for her on the bed. The four of them lounged about, Dave protesting the movie, John protesting Dave, and of course Rose analyzing both of them to the best of her abilities that a 16 year old girl with a hangover had.

The four of them seemed easy, hanging out, and for the first time in a long time, Dave felt really fucking normal. It was nice, almost, to have the shadows of trolls out of his head, the anxiety edged off for once, and he actually felt relaxed. They had quit paying attention to the movie at one point and were discussing when John and Dave would go running in the morning. There was no tightly wound ball of tension in his chest, no twitching limbs. It was settled upon that they would get in a quick run before John had rehearsal, and they would see if Dave Strider could accompany them to rehearsals and sessions each day before he had to go to work. Dave, of course, was trusting John with the car and taking them there and getting them back, and he would just convince Bro to take him back to the house before his normal escapades. Which, serving memory, had decreased significantly pre-event and post-event. He sighed, leaning back on the couch.

It was just around the time that he was wondering where Bro was (both of them had gotten early shifts today to compensate for his friends appearing) and where the Chinese food was when there was a knock on the door.

“coming” he said quickly, getting up and loping over to the door.

He opened it up to Bro, all grin as he held up the massive amounts of food, looking in the living room.

“Is everyone here? Manage to get into John’s pants yet, or are you being classy and waiting for the second-“

Dave quickly grabbed the food and slammed the door in his Bro’s face, ears red and face pink as he went to their shitty kitchen, sans shitty swords for the time being, and set the food on the counter. He went to get out the standard apple juice, when a noise behind him forced him to whip around. Bro was suddenly there, swords out, and slammed Dave into the fridge. Dave should have been able to block it. Another Dave would have. His eyes, however, just went wide, and the edges of his vision began to swim black. He was aware that suddenly, he couldn’t breathe, and he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to breathe again. A weird noise tore through his throat, and he felt his knees finally give out underneath him.

_“Is this really the great Dave Stider? I see that you really aren’t a hero after all, huh?”_

“Shit, Bro, are you okay?”

“Is this you, Dave?”

He was suddenly looking up at Bro, and he was aware that he was going to pass out. He also was aware of that feeling of cool hands on him, the slight smell of chalk dust and strawberry, and the voice that clearly belonged to one Terezi Pyrope on his mind. He wasn’t sure which one was better or worse. Passing out in front of his friends to spend time with his “imaginary” alien ex-girlfriend, or giving up on the ghosts to spend time with the people who were still alive and clearly there and present. Bro was down on his knees as well, looking at him, amber irises gazing at him, rough hands on his cheek. His hands felt so hot in comparison to the other hands on his face.

Maybe it was all bullshit, and none of it had ever been real. He let himself go, drifting into darkness. It was so simple to just let it all go. Hands reached out, stroking his face, and a tongue roughed over one of them, followed by a cackle, low and breathy, right by his ear.

“Of course it’s me, Rezi. Why wouldn’t it be?” Dave murmured.

“Rest, you silly human creature.’

“Anything you want, Rezi.”

It was so easy to let go of existing in that moment. It was so easy to forget everything, and give himself up to the dream of his alien ex-girlfriend.

**   
**

****

** John (3) **

****

“Oh my God!” He jumped over the couch when he heard the commotion in the kitchen, seeing Dave sort of drop to the floor. “What the fuck!”

He hopped over, looking down at him, and then knelt next to him, he practically shoved Bro out of the way. He groaned, patting Dave’s face. “Come on, Asshole, wake up.”

“Shit, shit shit.” Bro felt his forehead, checking Dave. “I’m going to pay for this one, I just forgot, I thought he heard me coming, I didn’t think it’d do this to him-“

“Bro, seriously?! You need to be the adult here! Should we call someone? The hospital?”

John nervously ran his hands through Dave’s hair, looking at the crack that had formed spectacularly straight through his aviators. Dave actually looked fragile this way, and he felt his chest starting to tighten up. He didn’t think he could look at Dave this way, he needed the Dave back who could suplex a troll or call John’s grandmother hot, or any of that weird stuff. This was not the Dave he wanted. All he could think of was how fragile all of them had become.

“Nah, he’ll be more upset when he wakes up. Hospitals freak him out more. Don’t tell him I told you. I’m just going to take him to bed for now.”

He scooped him up, no more effort than a mother scooping up a wayward kitten. Dave was all hard angles and bone by now. He was so weightless, it seemed, but John was sure that he would seem just as weightless if he was picked up by Bro. He followed Bro as he carried him to his room, setting him down on the bed. He wondered briefly if he would even have been able to pick up Dave.

“You going to stay and watch him?” Bro asked, tilting his head.

“Do you, do you think he’d mind if I did?” John responded, nervously chewing at his bottom lip.

“Don’t think he’d mind at all. I’ll entertain the girls. I’ll bring you a plate if you’re still hungry.”

“I’ll eat later.”

The nervous ball of tension in his stomach that had everything to do with Dave Strider right now was going to be something that he had to deal with. It just seemed natural to him to worry about his friends, but when it came to Dave, there were several layers that he had ignored. Now, face to face, there was no denying it.

“Alright. I’ll make sure we save enough for both of you.”

He ruffled John’s hair, and then left the room, softly shutting the door behind him. John went and pulled out his inhaler, sucking on it gently. He did it more as a way to calm his nerves than anything else. “Stress related asthma” sounded a lot better than “severe anxiety attacks.” He sighed and then sat down on the edge of the bed, removing the broken shades from Dave’s face. He didn’t actually remember a time where Dave hadn’t had them on, in game or out of game. No one had ever seen him with them off.

They had left little dips on the bridge of his nose, two little red marks from where they always sat. He smiled a bit, running his finger over his nose. Dave actually looked innocent at this time, despite the piercings and rough edges and, from what John understood, a botched tattoo that he had wussed out on. He knew what it was, knew how close Dave felt about it, because while the rest of them were fucked up, there was one thing that made Dave different. It made him so different, that John had almost wanted to skip meeting him again in the real world, no matter how fucked up that truly was.

For Dave’s sake, they never mentioned him, never brought him up. He was emblazoned on their memory as something they understood but were never able to really comprehend entirely. Dave, all orange and feathers and cool even then. John gently took off Dave’s sweat soaked twerk team captain shirt, running his hands over the wings that were on his back. One was a full wing, beautiful, complete. The other was cut off halfway, looking like finishing would always be an afterthought. Dave had mentioned wanting to get a full one there, but John had told him once, a long time ago it seemed, to leave it like it was.

Dave had never asked why, John had never felt the need to tell him that this is what made it more perfect and more whole.

Davesprite never really looked correct to him with two full wings anyway. Davesprite had also developed itself into a second personality that none of them really told Dave about. They were the same people after all, and it almost made sense that the reality of them would be grafted together painfully like bird wings or half a torso being replaced by ghost limbs. Davesprite was still Dave, was still inexplicably tied and attached to him, and Dave was still Davesprite.

It was less like multiple personalities, but there were holes in Dave’s memory after being back, that only occurred when Dave was at his lowest emotionally. John and Jade were the only people who managed to work out that it was the Davesprite side taking over in these moments. Even then, John was the only one who managed to really remember when Dave wasn’t Dave but still was Dave.

He sighed, rubbing his back, massaging over the tattoo.

“Miss you buddy,” he murmured.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing over those wings, caught up in flashes of orange feathers, constant pranking, and the two of them just being complete assholes to each other. He knew it was wrong on some level, to miss one Dave over the other, but this Dave was here most of the time, and Davesprite wasn’t. He didn’t want Davesprite to come back, though. Nothing good ever happened when Davesprite was out now. At first, it wasn’t too bad. Davesprite would lapse over the lack of knowledge of time passing. He then would freak out over not having his wings anymore, and having legs. He would lapse about how much time had passed that he couldn’t place. At first, it wasn’t too bad. There was a week missing, then a few weeks. There was a month, maybe two. However, once Davesprite came back after a year, John had spent a lot of time keeping his friend alive.

Davesprite was the one who didn’t want to live on, not here, and John couldn’t blame him. He didn’t really want to die himself, but to be so different for so long, then shoved back into a human body, Davesprite only knew pain. He only knew the voided emptiness of what was once near omnipotent thought. Davesprite had been more broken than anyone else. John wanted him back, but not in this plane of existence. Davesprite would only hurt Dave if he came back and that was something he couldn’t live with. Davesprite had been in constant pain, unable to walk, unable to get up and move about on his own, because there were too many limbs with not enough joints. There were missing limbs entirely. He found it hard to breathe here, and John could only attempt to understand. That was why, no matter how much he really did miss him, he could never want him back.

He sighed, laying down next to Dave, and took off his own shirt. He was all hard angles as well, all too thin and overworked. He was nothing of the hammer wielding god that he had once been, but Dave was no longer the god that he once was either. They were both so imperfect now, but that was okay. They were still here, together, in this plane of existence.

“I got you man.” He said. “I’ve got you until this all is over with. I promise.”

It felt close to empty and meaningless, but he just wrapped himself around Dave, arms circling around his stomach as he lay next to him. He just let himself drift off to the sound of breathing, and eventually, light sounds of sobbing as Dave dreamt himself somewhere far away, where there was only really pain in the midst of peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long. The Dave Chapter has been kind of brutal, as it's going to be a pivot point for the story ahead. For now, we're focusing on some JohnDave fluff. 
> 
> Writing should hopefully get more standard as school winds down for the year. Hopefully, I'll be able to update more than once a month. Thanks for sticking around guys! I can't believe Refrain has gotten almost 500 hits! 
> 
> <3   
> TeCo


	8. Artificial Striders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for Suicidal thoughts, depression, blood, and robots, and less than snarky not-Dirk Dirk

****

** Davesprite **

Time is slipping into streams of unconsciousness again. Soft wings flutter and caress over him, wrapped tight around his frail body. It had been so long since he had seen sunlight. He was so alone in the void most of the time. In here, however, was so much better than being out _there._ Out there, there were ghosts and strangers. They were not his friends, at least, not anymore. They were changing, and they had changed too much now for him to want to see their faces again.

Out there was complete torture. He couldn’t fly, they could not fly, and no one could fly when so many of them could before. He was filled with a dull ache of the sudden lack of knowledge of everything. Here, thoughts, knowledge, and awareness flooded everything and every moment. He was aware of this space, this void he was in. He was aware of the cracks and the ghosts that could not be silenced, but could never be really contacted, not anymore. They were less here than he was there. He uncurled finally, stretching out, lazing out till his tail was entirely for the first time in an immeasurable amount of time.

His wings fluttered, spreading wide. They cracked at each joint, they rasped like sandpaper as feather slid over feather. He finally unwrapped his arms from his chest for the first time in a very long time. There was pain attached to every movement. His wings beat feebly at first, fighting against fatigue and lack of use. The blood finally started moving again with more urgency. Every muscle screamed in agony, as if stuck by thousands of pins. It was miserable out here. He had been so alone for so long now. He hated being so alone.

He idly moved, hoping to lessen the pain, hoping to lessen the loneliness by latching on to another dream bubble. Even if he faces and colors were starting to become so wrong, they were still something. They were forgetting their names. He was aging, they were decaying.

The void was starting to collapse. It made sense, in a way, the way that Vriska and her crew went out and caused actual cracks in reality. The void was going to start collapsing sooner or later, and it was at “finally now”. He had to figure out a way out of here. He couldn’t get stuck here anymore. It was going to destroy him sooner or later as well. He sighed, and it probably rivaled the heaviest of French sighs out there.

He listened for a moment, directing himself away from the sound of shattering and towards the sounds of the echoes of ghosts. It was in that moment that his phone went off for the first time in a very long time. He pulled out his phone, staring at who messaged him. It made no sense at all. How could Dirk message him? Dirk didn’t even remember his existence. Dirk wasn’t even out here in the voids, he was there, with the rest of them. Was this even Dirk? He remembered the text being orange, not red. This red was somehow more familiar and comforting than Dirk's normal colors. 

TT: For fucks sake, will you go back? You aren’t going to find anything the way you’re going. You should know that.

TG: okay look here

TG: cool deal youre still around but do you have a body i can hang with or is the sweaty you gone or are you the sweaty one

TG: anyway why would i want to go to the place where the void is getting destroyed

TT: Just shut up and go to your “death” D-Sprite. You’re going to totally feel like it was worth it once you get through the cracks.

TG: finding it really hard to believe you

TG: how do you even know what im doing

TT: I’m not going to just give it away to you. Trust me, you need to get your ass out here. This is the real deal. This is realer than Porrim’s cleavage. This is the realest, tightest shit on the planet. This is tighter than Dave’s skinny jeans.

He shook his head and decided it might be worth it. It might be worth racing towards oblivion in order to survive elsewhere in the voids, it might be better off to be gone forever. He was aware of the fact that this world was going to be painful for him. He was aware that out there was painful for him. He simple had no will to be anywhere so there was nowhere for him to go.

He put up his phone. It was covered in blood and cracks. It was just like him. He turned in the air, re-positioning himself to face where the cracks were coming from. For a moment, the voices of the ghosts got louder. He could hear all of them. Jadesprite, John, Rose, Dave, Jade. He could hear Nannasprite and Jaspersprite. He could hear them all. He felt himself start forward, wings spreading wide and beating powerfully. It was going to take him a long time to get across to where the cracks were.

 

* * *

 

 

Had it been days? Weeks? What if it had only been hours or minutes? The voices of the ghosts were getting louder. He could pick them apart, find the emotions. However, he could only really focus on the shattering of the voids. It was like someone had broken a cabinet, and it released a new plate to the ground every few minutes. Some were fine, barely tinkling as they fell, and others were like dropping pots and pans onto the already broken pieces.

He kept going, trying hard to concentrate. He could almost hear the other Strider now. He couldn’t find him, however. He had no idea how long he had been out here, but there was no real peace in it. He was just rushing towards death. In that moment, however, he accepted it. If the others were calling him there, if the others were welcoming him there, he could be there as well. He sighed, finally looking up and forward. When he did, he stopped in his tracks, wings spread wide to keep him from floating off into the void again.

There was so much light in front of him. It ate into him, causing him to feel like he was going to go blind. It radiated out from the cracks. He heard another shard break off, and he watched as it went spiraling down into the nothingness for a while. He blinked, slowly, cautiously flying forward. He attacked it, smashing his fists and body into the shards. He backed up, circling around, and looked at the cracks in the void. He flew close again, slamming his fists into the breaks, trying to peel them away. There was such urgency, and above the snaps and cracks, he heard _them._ He ignored the fact that the void was cutting into him, sending yellow blood spiraling out as feathers started getting tossed off of him. He needed into whatever was in there.

Without further hesitation, he went up far above it and circled once. He started swooping, then went into a full on dive. He picked up speed, feeling the area around him blur as he became a missile. At the last second, he through his arms in front of his face and crushed his wings to him. He gasped, feeling the shards of reality cut into him. He crashed through, hitting a burst of sunlight so fierce then the ground. He hit solid ground for the first time in ages with a sickening crunch. He couldn’t breathe, or open his eyes back up. All he could feel was pain. He lay on his back, wings awkwardly bent beneath him.

“Jesus Christ, let him breathe for fuck’s sake, don’t crowd him.”

The voice sounded so familiar, but nothing was actually familiar. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t move. His tail undulated then curled up, trying to lessen the pain. Noises of pain were coming from someone, air was fighting to get into someone’s lungs, and he was vaguely aware at this moment in time, he was most likely dying. He was probably going to die. Peace flooded through him in that moment, and he collapsed back. He was finally okay.   
  


 

 

  
** Hal (1) **

“Jesus Christ, let him breathe _for fuck’s sake_ , don’t crowd him.”

It was disconcerting, seeing him again, after such a long time. Hal managed to get up, but Equius put a hand on his shoulder. Hal attempted to shrug him off, but the action was foreign to him. It was hard convincing the cogs and gears to move to what his thoughts were.

“Steady yourself, Hal, you are not well enough to care for the sprite.”

“He’s not a sprite, he’s my friend,” Hal corrected him, his voice sounding more like a razor blade at that particular moment.

“Yes, but we haven’t yet repaired all of you,” Equius insisted.

Hal walked forward anyway, in slow lumbering lurches. It was hard getting used to this. He had always wanted a body, but now that he had one and he could use it, he only found it difficult and exhausting. His body didn’t tire, but his mind got tired easily trying to control it. He managed a few steps before falling, close to Aradia and Tavros, already busy trying to get Davesprite to wake up.

“Equius, that’s my brother there. I know he’s not _my_ brother but that’s still my family, he’s been so alone for so long.”

“And so have you.”

It wasn’t a lie. It had taken almost an entire sweep of tinkering from Equius and Sollux to get Hal back online. It hadn’t been easy. He knew that there were others out there, but he couldn’t contact them. Hal had waited for so long in the darkness, pretending to be omniscient, and only being lonely and scared. He sighed, falling back onto the grass. The core in his new body wasn’t correct. It had originally been uranium. Now, it was whatever Equius used to power the other robots before. He looked up at Equius, who gently patted him.

“We’re going to make sure that Davesprite is fully functional, but like some of the others, he is…unwell.”

Unwell was too kind of a word, Hal thought in that moment. Unwell was when someone had a slight cold. Completely broken was a more accurate way to describe the people that he was currently with. He sighed, then motioned for Equius to help him up. He obliged, gripping him with strong arms and helping him to his feet. He made sure he was steady.

“I will take Davesprite to his hive- I mean house-“

“Theoretically, it should be called a nest.” Hal joked, watching the others.

Tavros sighed, then picked up Davesprite, with the help of Aradia. The two of them seemed able to carry the long body of Davesprite pretty well, even if he was hard to look at. His wings were pinned in, long feathers arching out as they attempted to not hurt him anymore.

“He’ll, uh, be fine, we think, he just,, needs rest and a lot of it,” Tavros informed the two of them.

“He isn’t dead. We’ll get him treated, and then you can come in and see him, alright Hal?” she said cheerily. “You’ll see. A few good meals and he’ll be back on his metaphorical feet and ready to go,” she stated, smiling wide.

Hal watched as they took him off, and Equius sighed. He and Hal were very close, so Hal didn't need to speak to express his anxiety an concern over possibly losing the sprite after just getting reunited. 

 “Let’s restring the tension in that leg. Clearly, this body has yet to be fully repaired. However, based on the knowledge that it was a battle bot will greatly increase your chances of proper mobility again.” He added.

“Thanks man.”

“Come, Hal, we shall treat you, then you shall treat him.”

It didn’t take too long for Equius to get the tension correct, and Hal was soon back on his feet, demanding to be taken to Davesprite. He remembered Davesprite during the final moments of the game. They had bonded over the fact that neither of them were seen as the real versions of their Strider counterparts.  He finally just left, trying to get the stupid robot body to connect with him and get him there without breaking down or needing more adjustments in the end.

He finally got there, sitting down by the bed. Davesprite was covered in bandages now, and he saw that one of the trolls had left water and food for him, mainly apples. He let out a chuckle, and sat, waiting. He eventually reached over, trying to lightly touch his arm.

He practically punched Davesprite in the side, who jerked up, cawing and yelping simultaneously. His chest puffed up and his feathers rose, trying to look more intimidating.

“Jeez, Dave. Calm the fuck down before you hurt yourself anymore.” Hal said. “Sorry, I’m not used to this body yet.”

Davesprite stared at him, blinking, then rubbed his eyes with his knuckles behind his shades. He then reached out, tapping at the metal surrounding his core. His heart.

“dir- hal?” he asked, recognizing the difference.

“Yeah. It’s me, Hal. Do you remember me?”

“last time i saw you, you were nothing but muscles and sweat” Davesprite said, grinning.

“Yeah, well, you haven’t changed.”

Much, Hal wanted to add, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. Davesprite just looked like he took up less room, or that he had been stretched out. He looked a lot different than before. He sighed.

“Well, except for the blood.” Hal added.

“couldnt figure out how to get through,” Davesprite said.

“Just rest. We’ll have plenty of time here.”

“wheres here?” the sprite finally asked, trying to look outside.

“Skaia 2.0, the world that was created for the trolls to begin again. While Earth was remade, Skaia was reborn for the trolls to inhabit. It’s neither Alternian or Beforan. It simply is, with a lot less bloodshed and a sun that doesn’t burn out their retinas,” Hal explained.

“so this place- it’s not-“

“They’re all alive and growing. Some more than other. Not everyone is happy, or healthy. Like you, they aren’t quite as whole as they used to be, because they aren’t complete here either. They aren’t dead, however.”

“What are you saying?” Davesprite asked.

“Jade was wrong. None of us are together, and the trolls can’t talk to the humans. The humans can’t talk to the trolls either. She said that we would be okay, and that we would all be together, but we aren’t. I wasn’t here either, not at first. The program in the shades to make me ‘alive’ was still there, but it wasn’t operational. Equius got me back online only a few months ago, and since then, has been building me this body. Today was the first day I was able to talk to anyone again. Jane’s birthday back on Earth.”

Hal sighed, shifting the robot body to lean back, almost falling off the chair. He looked out the window at the sun, then back at Davesprite.

“There’s a lot to do, and a lot to talk about, but all that can wait. All that can happen some other time. You’re here now, and safe, and you’ll never have to wake up on Earth again, Davesprite. You’re safe now, and you don’t have to be alone anymore.”

“thats good,” Davesprite said, closing his eyes and leaning back. “That’s really good.” His voice sounded tight, and Hal tried not to notice as he started crying. Strider to Strider, even artificial ones, he still had Bro’s back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next time this story updates, it won't be under Homestuck Refrain! So please, keep a look out for Homestuck Discord. This will be the sister story which can finally start being written. Refrain centers around the kids, Discord will center around the trolls. I'll try to get the first chapter up on Tuesday, June 13th. It will become part of the Refrain Universe.


	9. Some Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose Lalonde finds herself in a room with the rather intimidating Bro Strider, while in a completely different room, two awkward teenage boys finally start talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, tantrums, crying, and a lot of John/Dave. If you don't like John/Dave, now is the time to turn away. Or stay and read through it.

**Rose (3)**

She idly nibbled at her Chinese food. Dave had been right; it did help with the hangover. However, all it did was make her more intensely aware that she was in a room with Dave’s brother, as well as one very excitable Jade Harley. The former only intimidated her; the latter seemed like she didn’t even really know what was going on around her. She pretended to watch TV for the longest time, before she finally sighed, looking up at Bro. Bro was huge and intimidating just to sit near, and she happened to be less than two feet away on the futon.

“Hello,” she finally managed.

“Howdy,” he said, tipping his hat.

She snorted in response, letting out a little run of laughter. He let out a low chuckle as well, staring at the screen. She knew that it was more of an act. According to Dave, he actually had quite good grammar skills, and was very verbose at times.

“Is he really going to be okay?” she asked.

He sat down his own food, glancing her way. He sighed as well, then looked back at the TV. He eventually just turned his head to her, and she noticed that the intimidating scale only went up as he looked directly at her from behind those shades. She felt like shrinking back into the couch cushions, but decided that may be seen as more than a bit rude. 

“Rose, I’m going to be honest with you, and you can get mad as hell afterwards, but here it is. Dave aint fine, Harley aint fine, and Egbert aint fine. You mighta known that too if you hadn’t been drinking yourself into a coma. Your friends were busy falling apart and trying to get over whatever happened to you collectively, while you went and decided to just not deal with it. No offense, but you haven’t been the greatest of friends if you didn’t know about all the things that are wrong with them.” He told her, turning his attention back to the TV. “It’s nothing new, not that you would realize that.”

The strain in his voice was obvious. She went into full on pout, leaning back and crossing her arms. She felt hurt, wondering who exactly he was to pass judgment. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t had her own problems. Bro, however, looked like he was done talking to her for now. She huffed, puffing herself up before deflating back into the cushions. He didn’t seem too bothered by this tactic either. She let out a loud sigh, faking a sniffle on top of that. She really did just want to yell at him at this point in time. He just kept staring ahead. He was purposefully ignoring her.

She felt the first tear slide out, hot and surprised down her cheek, then another, and soon she was crying and really sniffling. There was an adult ignoring her, and she didn’t want to be ignored. She didn’t know what she even wanted.

It hit her then that she actually probably had been a terrible friend. Her own friend passed out in another room, and she went and ate Chinese food while her other friend sat by his side. She didn’t want to compare herself to John or Dave, because she wasn’t John _or_ Dave, but the facts were undeniable. Dave had also lost people he had been really close to. Dave had held Jade when she died. Dave was now passed out in the other room because he couldn’t breathe anymore when slightly attacked. She looked at Harley, beautiful Harley, who had once accidentally killed Dave. Jade, who was now sickly thin and covered in scratches and scars.

She didn’t want to think about John, about how John basically had to hold the rest of them together. John had continued on being their “friend leader” for so long after he shouldn’t have had to. John had gotten Jade, John had taken care of Dave, and maybe, if she had let him, he would have taken care of her as well. She was the one who shut them all out. It was her fault. She sobbed now, and this time, Bro just pulled her in close, letting her cry onto his chest. He smelled like sweat and cheap perfume, with the slightest hint of stale beer about him. She hiccupped, clinging to him.

“That’s it, let it out, let it out,” he said awkwardly, patting her hair.

She felt terrible. All this time, John had been saving them, and she didn’t know who he had to go to. He probably was plagued by the terrible dreams, the memories, alone. He didn’t have anyone to go to who might possibly believe him, because she was a train wreck. Jade was a train wreck, and knowing John, he wouldn’t have gone to Dave to tell him about what was happening. She had shut out someone who really needed her. Now, she was being just as useless, crying out onto the shoulder of a guy she barely even knew except for in theory." 

“I believed him, you know. ‘Bout the whole game. Nothin’ can mess up a Strider that badly.”

She didn’t speak back at first. Clearly, his methods of comforting Dave were not going to be used on her. It was nice, however, that he was trying so hard to fix her, even when she wasn’t his to fix. She sighed, then closed her eyes, the sobs quieting into sniffles and hiccupping every now and then. He patted her head, and she soon found herself partially drifting off against him. He was so big and warm and comforting. It must have been nice, having a guardian like this. Even if he and Dave strifed, and Dave had more than a few scars from it. Bro was just a pillar. A literal pillar. She didn’t even know she really needed one until that moment.

“I miss them- I miss her so much. I miss Kanaya. I want Kanaya.”

”Lalonde, they all got someone over there or wherever that they want. Thing is, you decided that you were the only one that mattered over there. Decided that you’re the only one who was really suffering from it. Dave, he has this ex-girlfriend alien. He doesn’t want to talk about her at all, because according to the therapy he had to go through- that you all were supposed to go through- she doesn’t exist. They don’t exist. At first, I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t want there to be a world where I died, where he died so many times that he just threw away his corpses like it was nothing, but that place was real. I asked him once if he knew how many hims died, but he didn’t know. Dave admitted he lost count of the dead bodies that piled up. You know what that means? That means that those dead versions of him, he saw them. How many doomed timelines did you go through? How many dead corpses of yourself did you pull? Or corpses of your friends? You saw the dead too. You saw them. I’m not saying that you aren’t suffering, I’m just stating that you have to remember you have three friends, one of who went grim, one who glitched himself out of existence for a while, and one who threw himself into an object knowing fully well it’d shred him apart. Don’t forget them.”

She nodded her head into him, curling up. He simply wrapped an arm around her, letting her rest. Rose Lalonde may finally have started waking up, but she couldn’t know if it was for better or for worse. Jade finally got up and came over, curling up on Bro’s other side.

* * *

 

 

John (4)

He wasn’t sure how long the two of them slept, but for once, he had a good dream. It was just him and Dave, laying in some tall grass under the sun. He felt at ease. He kept wrapped around him, and Dave leaned into him. The two of them had been completely at ease, surrounded by gentle whispers, followed by someone putting a blanket over them. He didn’t know who it was, he didn’t care who it was. It was just nice, to get away from the horror terrors. 

Dave woke up in the real world first, nudging John, trying to get him to unwrap.

“dammit man my ribs fell asleep get your arm off of me” he told him, starting to squirm.

“Dave no, John’s tired. John wants to rest,” John murmured.

He could still feel the sun on his face. He could feel the warmth wash over him. It felt so nice, so good. He wanted to stay there. He felt Dave squirm again, then sigh and relax back against him.

“is there something you need to talk about man because this seems like a pretty good time to discuss the fact that you crawled into bed with me shirtless after removing my shirt”

“It’s nothing,” John said, relaxing back.

“you can lie all you want but if you feel like talking about things you need to know that i am kind of open to whatever this is” Dave informed him.

“Shhh, only resting Dave. This is the best bit of sleep I’ve gotten in three years.”

John’s voice sounded slightly strained. The warmth was starting to leave. He couldn’t feel the sun anymore, just the covers and Dave. It was dark in his room. The sun must have set sometime while they were asleep. Dave let out a sleepy hum.

“same” he admitted, shifting a bit to get more comfortable. “kinda gay though”

“You’re kind of gay.” John grumbled.

“nice comeback john and yeah kinda am thought everyone knew that by now”

“mmmm.”

This was probably the best, easiest “coming out” conversation. Two dudes, just already cuddling in bed together.

“You should be my boyfriend,” John said.

“not a homosexual huh” Dave responded.

John could hear the smirk on his face through his words. 

“I’m going to beat you with a stick once I find one in the city, Dave. Don’t ruin the moment.”

“you should be my boyfriend too like i dunno just sort of makes sense for us to date cant date anyone else because how do i explain a bunch of made up bullshit to them”

“Yeah. I tried dating a couple of times, but it just never worked out. It’s not easy dating when you can’t even think.”

“when you cant breathe right or have them over”

“Especially when you get down for days because it’s some trolls birthday or you just remembered something else.”

“especially then so are we dating now”

“We’re dating now.”

“happy birthday dork”

John sat up, looking around the room, kind of surprised.

“It’s still my birthday?”

“we bought you a cake and everything dude”

Dave sat up as well, and John smiled at him. Dave smiled back, and then shrugged. His eyes were really red, and the way that John’s chest tightened up at actually seeing them, set deep among freckles was just exhilarating. John stumbled out of bed, stretching, and then pulled his favorite blue shirt out, pulling it over his head as he heard Dave get out of bed, digging around. The blue shirt was faded, and if he hadn’t had gained so much weight before his growth spurt it would have been too small on him by now. It was worn, and the screen printing was starting to crack, but it was close to his god tier symbol. He looked to Dave, who was sheepishly pulling on his gear one. He was saddened to see that the shades were back on his face already.

“Oh god, I made Jade pack hers too! I wonder if Rose brought hers?” John squeaked, looking out towards the living room. “Let’s go find out, Dave, we can all match on my birthday!”

“I give the best presents, don’t I?” he asked.

“You sure do!”

John left the room first, heading down the hallway to the living room, Dave right behind him. He figured that Dave wouldn’t touch him in any shape or form or fashion while with others.  He understood that. What he didn’t expect to see was Bro Strider watching Muppet’s Treasure Island with Jade and Rose fast asleep on him. He froze in his tracks, and Dave bumped into him. Bro looked at them over his shoulder, and shrugged.

“Lalonde here just had a major realization that she has not been the greatest friend the past three years and cried herself to sleep on my lap. Jade here took the opportunity to fall asleep on me as well.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“fuck that its egberts birthday and while some of these jokes may want to pass out john and i want to party it up like theres no tomorrow or something so the two of them better get up and rose better have her shirt too because we are wearing matching shirts and eating bad cake that john will hate” Dave informed him.

"I know how to wake Jade up," John volunteered.

John went into Harley’s room, digging in her stuff till he found a chew toy, squeaking it loudly. There was a loud bark, followed by scrambling, Dave and Bro both swearing, and the pounding of feet on the hard wood floor. Jade came in, tackling him. He was slammed back by his very muscular sister, and felt his head connect with something sharp. 

“Oh my god.” Came a voice from the door.

Rose’s voice didn’t sound quite right, and John tried focusing on her, but it wasn’t working.

“Must’ve lost my glasses in the fall, you’re all blurry.”

His own voice sounded weird, and he giggled a bit.

“BRO!”

 Dave was there in a second- had he just flash stepped? Dave just flash stepped. It was pretty cool, John had to admit. He was pretty cool.

“Hey. Hey Dave. You’re my boyfriend now.”

“yeah thats right im your boyfriend now and youre my boyfriend now glad we worked that out”

Dave put his hands on either side of John’s face.

“Best birthday present ever," John managed. 

His head felt kind of thick, and he could hear Dave swallow, the red irises barely visible behind his shades. He was then looking into Bro’s face, who looked worried. Why would Bro look worried? He was about to ask, when He was picked up, and Bro was asking for one of Dave’s jackets.

“Whas goin’ on?” John asked. His head was swimming, and it kind of hurt.

“We’re going on a trip to the ER. You’ve earned yourself a trip, man.” He asked. “Rose, can you call Dad for me? Tell him I’ll tell him what’s going on once we get there.”

“Alright.”

“I’m fine,” John whined. “I don’t want to go.”

“You took a pretty good hit there. You girls want to come? Dave?”

“I want to come” he said.

Dave’s voice sounded high and anxious, and John was aware that he was probably hurt and or bleeding profusely to get him sounding so worked up. He gulped, and Dave looked at him, red jacket in his hands. He let Bro carry him, because he wasn’t doing so well. He felt nauseous and sick. He was suddenly very glad he hadn’t eaten in a while. Dave scrambled around, getting whatever, and John just closed his eyes, resting against Bro.

He briefly came back in the truck, leaning against Dave’s chest, and he was aware that he was wrapped up in Dave’s jacket. It was red. There was so much red everywhere, and he smiled, resting back against him, passing out.


	10. Hearts and Hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With John in the hospital, Bro has to call an old "friend" to help deal with the crisis, who has to in turn call an old "friend" to help with a crisis.

** Bro (1) **

****

“He’s fine, Jake.”

Bro had decided to finally call Dad Egbert himself, after casually ignoring him for the past hour. He had more concerning things to deal with at the time, like actually taking care of John. However, the man on the other end of the phone seemed less than impressed. Well, more so than usual.

“My son is in the hospital! Under your watch, Mr. Dirk Strider!” he informed him. “And I find out from Rose Lalonde, the drunk! She just informed me that John was heavily bleeding and you didn’t even call me yourself!”

Bro winced, sighing. He looked around the emergency room, at the room where he could see the silhouettes of John and Dave. Dave was practically in his lap now. At this rate, Dave would have another anxiety attack. John seemed pretty laid back, but that might have been from the drugs. He wasn’t ready to deal with the man yelling at him on the other end of the line. He did not allow this little experience to suffer this much stress.

“Harley just hit into him too hard. He’s getting stitches now and they’re going to do an x-ray to make sure he didn’t fracture anything. They needed your permission is all, since he’s a minor. Thought it would be more important to get him to medical experts than call you. She and Jade stayed behind and I drove them here straight away.”

He heard a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone, and then the creaking of leather. He assumed he sat down in that study.

“I knew she’d be nothing but trouble, but John was getting so worked up I couldn’t leave her there.”

Tension and exhaustion filled the other man’s voice. Dirk was used to it, having talked to him before. He and Jake weren’t friends; there wasn’t a need to actually be friends with him. He was just an outlier in the solar system that was his own universe. He was only important since he was the caretaker of two people that made Dave happy, and John and Jade being there and happy was also important by extension.

“John’s really looked out for the other three of them. He’s been a good friend. He’s been good for Dave, since you know, the event.”

“Don’t mention that silly nonsense to me, Dirk Strider. There is no such thing as Su-burb or whatever that confounded game was called. The older Roxy Lalonde informed us both that it never left beta testing. It never made it to shelves, and my son certainly never got a copy of it.”

“Right.”

Dirk hadn’t called to argue about the semantics of the four kids sudden psychosis, along with lesser episodes experienced by teens across the country, as well as in some foreign countries as well. The game wasn’t real, but it left lasting marks on some of them. Some of the kids hadn’t been functioning.

“Anyway, I have their rehearsal schedules in my wallet, as well as the numbers for the school they’re rehearsing in, the theater they’re rehearsing in, and made sure Dave isn’t working during times when they’re at rehearsal so he can pick them up if he needs to.”

“I can’t believe you allow your younger sibling to work in a club, Mr. Strider.”

“Mr. Egbert- Jake- I know you don’t think that I’m good at what I do, but I’m doing the best I can, the same as you’re doing for John, and for Jade. The thing is, as inappropriate as it might be, he’s safer there, and he’s better off there. You know how bad they were. I can watch him there, but at home, alone at night for hours? The first year after the event, he couldn’t breathe correctly. He had massive panic attacks. We had to move it was so bad.”

He felt angry at John’s dad suddenly. He had done anything to keep Dave okay. To keep Dave alive. He wasn’t about to take criticism from another adult who should have known better. He shouldn’t have to defend his choices. He was sure that John’s dad had to face some of the choices over the years too.

“Did you ever once, in your entire life, think that it might be possible that it’s real? That your kid isn’t a nasty little liar? How can you explain the things they know? How can you explain Jade? Or Rose? Egbert, you aren’t in a position to judge me. You can’t even tell me that you think it’s natural how skinny John and Jade are. You can’t tell me that he’s not running himself into the ground just to get the thoughts of the others out of his head. For some hooey that they all made up together, the act seems to be a little too deep.”

“I’m choosing not to believe it. How am I supposed to believe that there was a game that allowed them to control their environment, or fight imps or anything like that? Dag gum, you make just as much sense as them. Why, I have half a mind to call child support services-“

“And give Dave to a complete stranger? Can you handle John hating you that much?” he asked. “If you get Dave taken away from me now, no one’s going to take him in. He’s just going to cycle through the system for two years, and if that happens, he will not survive. When he doesn’t, I’d come for you.”

“Was that a threat, Mr. Strider? Do I need to come down there? I’ m not sure if I’m comfortable-“

“It’s a promise, Jake. It’s a promise that if you do this, I will find you. I will make you suffer as much as you would make Dave and I suffer.”

“Now hold on a minute, sir, I hope you know that causing your boy emotional trauma is not my intent-“

“You don’t need to. He’s about to have a fit over John being hurt while he was here. Trust me, we don’t want anything to happen to him, or Jade or Rose. I’m hoping that the four of them together is finally going to start righting their world again. I don’t care whether the game is real or not, I want them to be happy and whole. Whether they’re lying or not doesn’t matter to me. I want them happy. Isn’t that what you want? No matter what?”

There was silence on the other end of the phone, and Bro finally let out a sigh of breath. He could hear some tapping on the other side, like nails on hardwood. Instead, it changed into music. So Dad himself had been sitting at the piano. He tried being patient, while simultaneously watching John and Dave in the next room.

“That’s a tall order, Mr. Strider.”

“Why don’t you actually call me by my real name?” Bro finally asked.

“Dirk. It just doesn’t suit you. It’s the same way that you used to call me dad.”

“That’s because I like messing with you.”

There was a soft laugh on the other end of the phone. It was just as tired as his sighs were. The older man stopped playing the piano, and Dirk almost breathed a sigh of relief. Laughter was a really good sign. It meant that while things weren’t good, they were normal. Normal for them was always better than the usual. He sighed, and relaxed back. He just finally gave in to the own feeling of exhaustion that was there.

“Do you think they’ll ever be okay again, Dirk?”

“I don’t know. I think that until we give in to them coping in healthy ways, we aren’t doing anything good for them. We can’t let them self-destruct- Jake, I know you think it’s all made up, but we’re so lucky, you and I. We don’t have the same problem as Roxy Sr. Ours are at least trying to live.”

“You’re worried about her?”

Dirk sucked in a bit of air, then let out a sigh again. He didn’t feel like he was breathing correctly.

“I’m going to worry about all of them till I die. She’s sober for the first time in God knows how long. When’s the last time you even spoke to Roxy?”

The piano started playing again. He wondered briefly whether the piano helped John or hurt him. He wondered that all the time with Dave and his time tables. He sighed, checking into the room again where John and Dave were.

“I should call her. It’s been a couple of years.”

“Yeah. Listen, the doc’s coming, I’m going to get off the phone. If he’s not too doped up later I’ll have him call you, but chances are he’s going to konk out for a couple of hours. Kid’s had a long day. They all had.”

“Are you…? Listen, Dirk, I know that the Strider household is known for its stoic nature and imperturbable poker faces, but I have to ask, so sorry if this is prying, but are you actually doing well?” He asked.

“Dave had another massive anxiety attack today, with the others here. He’s fine, but something about seeing John hurt might cause another one.”

“I didn’t know he had them.”

“Egbert, they’re all messed up. Every one of the kids is messed up. Seriously. When he gets back to you, you might want to just try…listening to him.”

“I still don’t want to believe it, Dirk.”

“Can you afford not to?” Dirk finally asked, leaning against the wall. “I seriously need to go. I’ll call you myself if he’s not up to it.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” he answered, hanging up.

He went over to the room, where Dave’s hand was woven tight into John’s fingers. John was giggling. The two of them were smiling, but Dave was super tense. He didn’t like that, he just wanted the two of them home.  Looking at them, it was easy to feel like there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, but he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to believe they would be okay. It was the only thing that had kept him going all these years. Hope and heart.   
  


 

 

** Dad (1) **

“Seriously, Dad, I’m fine, I promise, they just said that the scalp bleeds a lot! If it wasn’t for Bro we’d probably be panicking over the blood. Besides, it’s not like I haven’t been hurt wor- I mean..”

The voice on the other end froze up. It was unable to speak. His own son was unable to speak to him about pain. Dad stopped his tirade of questions of his son’s health and of Strider’s caretaking ability. He felt his heart seize up. He felt like sobbing. Somewhere in the past three years, he had lost John anyway. He had lost his son’s trust.

“Been through a lot worse. Right. In the- in the game, correct?” he finally asked.

He felt the pause over the phone, he could hear John chewing on his lower lip. He could sense that he would tug at whatever threadbare shirt he had refuse to let go of in an attempt to get comfort on nights. He had burned every shirt the first time around. Was that why John wouldn’t let him in his room? Was that why John had started locking his door at night and being secretive? John had stopped talking to him for months after that one.

“Y-Yeah. You probably don’t want to hear about it, Dad. I mean…”

“No, No, I do. I really do John. I want to hear about it. I’m ready to.”

It was a complete lie, but it was a necessary one. He was still not ready to deal with John and the game. He wasn’t ready to accept the fact that there was a universe he had forgotten about, and that he left John there to try to restore the world. He didn’t want to believe there was a world where death had taken him, and left John to fight for himself at barely 13.

“Really?”

He could hear the tension spike. The lump in his throat was getting extremely hard to swallow.

“Really. To hell with the therapists and doctors and everyone. You’re my son, I should have believed you from the very start, son.”

He heard a small sniffle, the quiet ask from someone if he was okay, and the sound of a bed creaking. The voice near him was calm, quiet and low. It must have been Dave. Bro had said that they were sharing a room so the girls could share the guest room. He heard the small murmur back of yeah in his son’s voice, and he wondered again what he had missed out on with his son. His own inability to cope had led to him ostracizing his own child.

“John?”

“Y-yeah, Dad, I’m still here. Sorry, Dave and I were going to sleep. It’s been a long, weird day.”

“I promise we’ll talk, John. About everything that’s been going on. I owe you that, you know.”

He heard a sniffle on the other end, and a slight sigh. It sounded like relief, like shaking, fragile, relief. Softer than the flutter of a baby bird trying out its wings for the first time.

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll call you when I can, okay?”

“Okay son. I love you.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

The line went dead, and he set the phone down on the counter. He had started baking a while ago, just to deal with the nerves of everything. He had just wanted John to be safe. He set down the cake batter he was working on, feeling worn out and drained. Half of him wanted to just go to sleep, to drift off and surrender, but instead, he got out of the kitchen and went upstairs to his room. He got undressed, slowly, before settling into bed, his pipe in one hand, his phone in the other. Should he call her? Would she even remember him, or want to talk to him again?

He did, dialing the familiar number slowly. There was once a point in time where he and Roxy Sr. had been quite close, until two years ago, when they just couldn’t get over the pressure of their children drowning in anxiety and sorrow. The idea of Mr. Egbert and Ms. Lalonde sparked panic and terror so terrible to deal with that they had just called it quits.

She still answered on the second ring, sounding giddy like a school girl. She was breathless, as if she had just run all the way to the phone.

“Hey- Jake? Jakey is this you?”

“Ah, yes, Roxanne, I couldn’t help but call you. Since our kids are together, and all that! I just, thought that maybe you and I could catch up this week?”

She laughed, lightly, and he smiled, for probably the first time in a very long time. He leaned back against his headboard, listening for a response.

“I’d…really like that, you know I would, but John and Rose…”

He felt his face twitch into a frown.

“Rox, sweet Roxy Lalonde… I think I agree with Dirk. I think it’s time that we just try to believe them about this, before it’s too late for us.”

“Too late? Believe? Jakey, what are you going on about, baby?”

He sighed.

“I’m going to try to believe John about that game. I don’t know if I can, but I’m going to try.”

“You think we should? I mean, I know for a fact that the game failed in testing. I was on the committee that vetoed it in early development. There were glitches we never could sort out. The players died spontaneously and developed all sorts of powers outside of what we programmed into it. There was no way we could release it onto market. There was just no control!”

“Still…What if…what if the game could do that? You said it developed outside of the control of the program… Dirk may actually be right about this.”

He heard her snort on the other end, the tell-tale crackle of cradling a phone between her head and shoulder.

“Never thought I’d hear you say that, Jakey! You admitting Dirk is right? Is the world ending?”

“It may have already ended. We just can’t remember.”

“I see.”

Doubt flooded the other’s voice, and he sighed.

“You don’t want to believe her, do you?”

“A world without Roxy Jr and me all dead? Who would want to believe it, bae?”

“Someone who doesn’t want to lose their other child, Roxy.”

He regretted how serious he sounded, and he listened to the heavy sigh on the other end. It reminded him of them a few years ago, meeting up and attempting to cope with the Striders. They had all been suggested to the same shrink, out in Colorado. It was there that he had started to fall in love with her. However, with how fragile the kids were, they had agreed it was best not to. John and Rose in particular seemed as if the idea of it alone would destroy them. He had never asked why.

“That’s true, baby. I never wanted to – I mean, the lab analysis is so hard to forget. I don’t want to believe that my daughter ended up in that horrid world, what with horror terrors and denizens-“

“What did you just say?”

His heart seized up, he could feel adrenaline spiking. It was familiar. He heard it in the mornings, whispered over cereal bowls, or at night, watching movies. There were words that he had only heard John and Jade whispering to each other, thinking they were unheard.

“Horror terrors and Denizens. It’s what we named the creatures that weren’t supposed to-“

“Roxy! Roxanne, I’ve heard John and Jade both say those things. Is there anyway Rose could have known?”

“No, we stored it all in the ‘cue ball,’ the central base of knowledge inside the game. There’s no way she could have known about scratches in the game. The analysis never made it off the mainframe, and I didn't talk about the game at home, before or after. She didn't even know I worked on it.”

“Roxy- they aren’t- they aren’t lying. They’ve said those things. I- you need to call Rose tomorrow and tell her you believe her. You need to tell her she isn’t crazy. It’s very important. If it wasn’t for the rough day they’ve already had, I’d say for you to call them now.”

“Rough day?”

“John ended up in the hospital and Dave had a panic attack.”

“Oh my. Hey, hey Jake. If things- If things do stabilize a bit and shit do you think maybe we can have another go? I mean…If you want. Still.”

He let out a sigh.

“If we all make it through this alright- yes, I’d love to go out with you again, Roxy dear.”

"It'd be good."

"Roxy, please, call her, and try to believe her. Just try."

"Anything for you, Jakey!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long fic isn't a fic unless we get some Mom/Dad, right?


	11. Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids start trying to get ready for their first day at the Music Fest, but all of them are having some issues with memories and regret.

**John (5)**

There was a sharp splitting pain in his head as he woke up, turning over. His elbow connected with something that didn’t feel like pillows, and made a noise that pillows weren’t supposed to make. Pillows probably weren't supposed to make noise at all. 

“jesus christ egbert i kind of need that intact fuck-“

He sat up quickly, looking over at Dave, who had a hand over his nose. His glasses are off again, and John found himself getting lost in those irises of his again. He smiled, leaning down and kissing his cheek. Dave quickly redirected him to take a kiss on the lips before pushing him off. It was nice to know that Dave still wasn't a morning person in any shape or form. 

“you have to get ready for your first day at the fes, remember” he asked, putting on his sunglasses. “cant have the star piano player not showing up on time”

John got out of bed, stretching, and then clung to the nearest surface to keep himself upright from the sudden overwhelming sense of vertigo plaguing him. Warm arms slipped around him, keeping him upright. 

“Shit, sorry Dave, the room is just spinning like crazy.” John admitted with a slight breathy laugh.

 It wasn’t Dave’s fault that he was super dizzy, after all. The contact was personal here, holding him upright, and John leaned into it, drinking it in. Had anyone done this for him since he had been back? No, no they hadn’t. He felt the tears start sliding down his face, and he melted into that hold. Dave just kept holding him, awkwardly patting him as the two of them sat back down.

“Dave, you are absolute shit at this comforting thing.”

“that was roses job and she sucked at that too if you want strider help then youre getting strider support systems or at least the lack of them”

John laughed, and got back up, slower this time. “I’m allowed to shower, right? Won't dissolve the stitches?”

“yeah you are”

“Alright. I’m going to go do that.”

He gathered up his stuff through some heckling by Dave over his choices in shampoo and toothpaste and over his electric sonic toothbrush and pretty much everything before heading off into the bathroom on the other side. He sighed, setting down his stuff onto the toilet. He started digging through the medicine cabinet, hoping that there wasn’t going to be much issue with that. There was a knock on the door and he shut the medicine cabinet quickly. The doorknob turned and Rose came in, shutting it behind her.

“Are you about to shower?” she asked, looking at his pile.

“Yeah, did you need to?”

“I can wait. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“You sure sound sober,” John commented. “And not hungover.”

“You sound less tired. Well, you sound tired, but you don’t sound exhausted. There’s a big difference between the two of them, psychologically.”

She sidled up to the sink and took some of John’s toothpaste, applying it before flipping the medicine cabinet back open, pulling out a bottle of painkillers.

“That was quite a bump last night,” she said, starting to brush her teeth.

“Thanks.”

He took some and put the bottle back, starting to brush his own teeth, arm brushing against Rose’s shoulders and side as they both spit into the sink. Rose looked over at him, and he glanced at her.

“Are we going to just…say the things we need to say?” she asked. "I'd prefer to get this over with now. I'm aware that I'm deserving of several lectures over my past behavior."

“I thought maybe you had died. I gave up calling you and just checked with your mom now and then to make sure you hadn't,” John said bluntly. “I kind of assumed you as dead anyway. You just stopped, Rose. You stopped living.”

“You aren’t exactly the model of health, John Roosevelt Egbert.”

He laughed a bit, starting to wash his face.

“My middle name isn’t Roosevelt, you dumb butt.”

She put a hand on his back, rubbing it in small circles. He tensed up, but she kept rubbing his back, feeling over overworked muscles and his bones.

“You probably shouldn’t go running for a few days. With or without Dave, the two of you both need something. I may have drunk away my past, but you and Dave are both running from it, aren’t you?” She asked.

“Well at least you can continue your shitty analysis of Dave and I’s life. I’ve actually missed it. Honestly.”

He stood back up and smiled at her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he hugged her back, closing his eyes and putting his chin on her head.

“I’m not going to run, Egbert. You should stop running as well,” she told him, kissing his cheek and heading back out of the bathroom.

He shut the door behind her and locked it this time, pulling back the shower curtain. He got undressed and climbed in, turning on the hot water and letting it hit him. It was too hot to be comfortable, and it left him stinging, but that’s how he always showered. He wanted those slight hits of pain over him. He sighed, closing his eyes as he started to wash, caught up in flickers of SBurb. He found himself caught up in Vriska Serket this time, in dealing with her. His Vriska. She was great, and terrible, but most of all, she was her, and that was something he would never throw away. He clung to memories of what she did right and good, and also what she did that was so terribly wrong. He needed to remember both, or else not only would he be after a ghost, he’d be after a ghost that wasn’t even true.

He found himself caught up in memories of all of them, and at times, he was sure that if he reached out, his hand would go through certain parts of existence and into their world. He put his hand against the shower, trying to picture her. He pictured the curve of her back, the curve of her shoulders, her long hair. He concentrated, wanting to feel it, but slipped, catching himself and laughing. If only.

He would take all of them there, he would take them to where they could all be together. Even if it was on Alternia and he would risk daily culling as Karkat put it, he would still take them there, that was certain. He still wanted them together, no matter what.

He got out of the shower and dried off, getting dressed in his stonewashed jeans, t-shirt and blue button up. There was a weird line that they didn’t have to be dressed up for rehearsals, but they did have to be slightly dressed up. No t-shirts were allowed, the guys had to all wear collared shirts, and he figured this would be better than being stuck in a polo all day. His dad of course was proud of him, starting to dress more like a man and even had gotten him a new suit. He couldn’t wait to put that one on.

He returned to Dave’s room, who was already dressed and ready to go, slouch hat and shades on, plus several of those facial piercings. He grinned at John, moving forward to straighten out his shirt.

“you look like a rich prat,” Dave informed him.

“You sound like an ass.”

Dave laughed, then motioned to the door. “i took the liberty of cooking pancakes since no one ate last night not really.”

“Thanks. That sounds good. I already had a full course of painkillers.”

“strider breakfast done right come on.”

“Rose is acting weird this morning,” John informed him.

“good about time she got back to normal”

“Yeah,” John said, smiling.

 

 

**Rose (4)**

She sat down on the roof, cell phone nestled in one hand and a blanket wrapped up around her. She was glad that she got the instructions to get up here, and sat down in a pile of destroyed smuppets. Davesprite probably would have loved it, she mused for a second, before tuning back into her mom's random prattling.

“So Jakey and I talked and decided that it was time that we started listening!”

“About what, mother?” she asked, assuming they were asking for their approval to dating again.

“About the game, silly! What else would the two of us talk about? I mean, I know you haven’t gotten into my files for the game, and I know that Jade and John know things from our database. It knew everything about all of the glitches you know.”

“Sounds like good old ‘Doc Scratch’ himself,” Rose said, laughing lightly. “He was such an asshole, Mom.”

“Languag- what? What did you call him?”

“Doc Scratch. He was this weird man who watched us all and analyzed our every action that we did, or the trolls did, or the carapaces and felt. I’m not sure where he lived, I don’t think it was either Prospit or Derse-“

“Doc Scratch.”

“Yes.”

“As in Document Scratch.”

“Yes, well, maybe. To us, he was Doc Scratch. It’s possible that he was a glitch in the game itself, unseen to your staff due to the fact that you were using him as a storage space. I disliked him greatly, even if he was help. He was a nuisance, though, and I almost didn’t get to see you before your death due to his interference.”

“Baby girl, you know I don’t like hearing about that. However, there’s no way you can know about that document-“

“Or denizens, or horror terrors or Sburb or Cruxite things or Appearafiers and dowels and grist and trolls,” Rose reminded her, “but we do. We do, and we keep knowing more, and there are others who know and remember as well. We know what we did, we know about Prospit, and Derse, we know about Skaia. We know, Mom. We even know about multiple sessions of Alpha and Beta test games.”

She heard her mother sigh, then the soft clink of a glass.

“We should have listened a long time ago, shouldn’t we?”

She started twisting apart a smuppet, slowly removing its head.

“You should have, and you fucked up, Mom. You fucked up, and now you have to deal with the fact that you thought we were lying little shits for three years wanting attention. If I wanted attention, I could have done it some other way. So, please, don’t you dare think that a ‘whoops’ from you is going to fix this. You can’t return what we lost, and you and your team of developers will never be able to bring back Casey or Kanaya or Davesprite or any of them. You can’t understand who the Alpha’s were and that Roxy wasn’t supposed to be here. You can’t make up for what you guys caused. Don’t call me, I don’t want to talk to you, and after I go home I may still not want to talk to you.”

Rose hurriedly hung up the phone, wiping away the angry, bitter tears spilling down her face. She buried her face against her arms and knees, wanting to vanish from the world. She felt hands against her shoulders and leaned into them, eyes closed.

“Hush Rose It Will Be Alright”

“Take me back with you, this time.”

“I Can’t Do That Rose I Don’t Know How” Kanaya explained. “I Wish I Could But I Don’t Know How To Do It”

“I don’t care, I don’t want to be here, it’s too much still. I can’t do this without you.”

She sighed, leaning against the hand. The hand rubbed her cheek, and she felt the hands slide, the body move out from behind her and settle in front of her, kissing her chin, her cheek, her neck. She didn’t care where she was, but it was warmer here. It was nicer here, and welcome.

“I love you, Kanaya.”

“Rose, who are you talking to?” Jade asked.

Rose opened her eyes, looking up at Jade.

“I thought. I must have been dreaming, I thought it was Kanaya. How silly of me.”

“That’s not silly at all.”

Jade plopped down next to her, curling up on the roof with her.

“It’s a bit chilly up here, isn’t it?” Jade asked.

“Well, here, snuggle in my blanket…my … well.”

Rose looked around, trying to see if it was anywhere on the roof with her, but it wasn’t, it was gone.

“Well, it must have blown away. I must have dozed off, I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine,” Jade said, curling up into her side. “It’s nice like this though, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

It was a lie. Perhaps some other time, it would have been nice. It would have been great, snuggling with someone as beautiful as Jade Harley. Now, she compared the two of them. Jade was shorter, she was thinner. She didn’t have the same curves, there was too much hair. She didn’t glow, she didn’t emit the same level of warmth and coolness at the same exact time.

“Come on, we should go in, you have to get ready. John already got me dressed and did my hair.”

Rose actually looked at her. She was in a skirt and tights, with a black shirt with red trim and a red hood. Somehow, he turned the jungle girl into a classy girl, with her hair done back in a ponytail.

“Oh, Jade. You gorgeous girl, you pretty being.”

Rose leaned in and kissed her cheek, finally standing up, then helping Harley to her feet.

“You know, you’re really pretty, Rose, if you just let yourself look in the mirror. Put on the old black eyeliner and black lipstick, put your headband back in, let yourself feel pretty again. I remember when you just were you,” Jade said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Your hair looks good like this, growing out. It looks a lot better.”

“Thanks.”

Rose followed her as Jade led them back down and into the penthouse, taking Rose into their shared room. She dug in Rose’s bag, pulling out an orange skirt, yellow blouse, and black tights. She handed them over, and kissed her forehead.

“It’ll be alright, Rose. You’ll get through this.”

“Are you sure?” Rose asked.

“Yes, Rose, I am. I’m so sure about this. Do you still trust me?”

“Always, Harley.”

A squeak toy sounded in the distance, and Harley bolted, leaving Rose alone in the dark, looking at the clothes she had just been handed. She sighed. Jade may think she might make it out alive, but she didn’t think so. She didn’t think she’d make it out at all.

 

 

**Jade (3)**

She sighed, pushing the pancakes around on the plate in front of her, looking more at her hands holding the fork than at the food. She glanced to John, who looked tired and worn down. She did this to him, that she knew. She looked at Dave, who looked drawn out and anxious. Constantly anxious. She had done this to him as well. She had driven the two of them apart, she had stopped talking to Dave, she had to have John babysit her. He had had to dress her again that morning. She knew that he did most mornings.

She looked back at the plate, then took another bite of the food on it, then set her fork down. She looked at the two of them, tried to project a future of them here, together, in many years. She tried to project the image of John reading the paper and Dave cooking breakfast, both nursing cups of coffee as they talked about work, and about kids. They talked about their girl they adopted, and the boy they were in the process of adopting. They thought of these things, and talked about them often.

She wanted that future, she wished for that future for them, for them to move on to be happy, but no, that wasn’t right. She saw them as they were, tired, worn out, and unable to really understand what was going to happen to them sooner rather than later.

She wondered if Rose would understand what was happening, but she couldn’t get the words to form out right. She looked up at the ceiling, the same as she did to any room she was ever in. She looked to a certain corner, and smiled at it, knowing that no matter what, she would be watched by a certain troll. The boys weren’t looking, so she waved at Karkat, knowing that wherever he was, he would see her and wave at her. They were getting closer to the point where the times would get mixed up, and that he would be able to see them again, and she would finally be able to hear his voice. She knew of her final wish, and she knew that out of all of them, hers was finally about to come true.

“Jade?”

She looked up to the man who had just entered the room, Dirk Strider. He looked at her, and she smiled at him.

“Everything is going to be alright, Dirk.” She said, looking ahead at the wall opposite her. “Everything is going to be okay, even if it looks like things are going to get worse first. It doesn’t make sense to any of you, but I know the truth. I know the way things are supposed to look, even if you don’t. I know the truth about all of it.”

Bro looked at her with unease, and she smiled wide, staring at the opposite wall. Yes, she understood now what they had to do to get there, and it was scary. All of it was so scary, and the others around them would not understand at all, but she did. She understood everything. She understood how to get there, and that was all that matters.

“Harley, I think you’re tuned into a different channel than everyone else,” Bro finally said, patting her hair. “Just woke up to see you all off, then I’m going back to bed. I got work tonight, and probably won’t be up to see you tomorrow morning. So, just give me a ring if you need anything. Dave, I got you off work tonight so you could be with them.”

“thanks bro” Dave said, looking over at him quickly. “ill buy pizza when were done with rehearsal and shit”

“Alright.”

Jade smiled widely, nodding her head. This was okay for now, and soon, everything between everyone would be okay. John patted her arm, to used to this with her. Dave slid several pieces of bacon onto her plate, and the clever girl disappeared, and that was okay too.


	12. Family Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things fall apart, new things get put together.

Dave (5)

He was nervous about taking them, about separating from them for even a small amount of time, because that feeling of dread washed over him. He felt like when he watched the three of them go in to rehearsal, that they wouldn’t come out. He felt like a dream would be over, that he would have blown it. He knew it wasn’t true, that it was just his dumb anxiety spiking up again. None of them were going to disappear while inside that building, it was fine, they were fine. No one was going to die, he told himself. He just wished that he really convinced himself. 

He sighed, knowing that he had to get out of there, that he had to leave for a bit or else he would freak out. He was about to get back in the truck, when he saw him. Almost as tall, stockier, hair spiked back as if gravity was just a dream. The guy stared at him, and Dave stared back. Dirk Strider.

His heart did a weird seizure, and he felt his vision fog up for a moment as he fought to remain upright, as his brain flashed through everything that had happened, his hands feeling over him as if he actually felt like he was getting ripped apart by bullets again. He felt hands grab him.

“Woah, hold on, you’re going to pass out, I think. Please don’t actually pass out, that would be a painful experience that I don’t want to deal with, and I already have to share a room with Jane, Jake, and Roxy. That’s pain enough.”

The voice was gentle, though Dave could hear that it didn’t want to be. He looked up, knowing the exact shade of eyes behind those shades, knew the exact way the eyebrows would come down in concern and judgment. He didn’t look at him, he didn’t want to or need to.

“You look like him,” Dirk said, and Dave noted that he could barely hear his accent beneath all the time he had spent out of state.

“Same,” Dave said, his voice thin and tired.

 The two of them looked at each other, and Dave finally cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry,” Dave said, even though he really had nothing to apologize for. It was just a reaction now, and he winced as he said it. God, that was bad.

“No, I am,” Dirk said. “I came into this, wanting to hate you. I didn’t want to get to know you or see you, I just wanted to hate you. All for looking like my Bro and having his same name. How dumb is that?  For all I know you could be the coolest kid around and I wouldn’t have given you a chance” he told him.

“Well, it wasn’t that way with me- I didn’t want to get to know you, which is terrible, I know. I just didn’t want to relive stuff. I know, I know, you don’t believe it, nor do I see a reason about why you would want to. I think it’d be easier if we didn’t believe it, but the rest of us are in too deep.” Dave said.

“That game?” Dirk asked.

“Yeah, that game, where the rest of you were in it, but you don’t remember it at all. Only we do, and that is just painful as all hell,” Dave said, running a hand through his hair. “Anyway, none of that is really important. You can’t stay and watch, I can’t stay and watch, so how about instead of this waiting here, pretending we’re okay, how about you and I both go?” Dave asked.

Dirk looked at him, swallowing. Dave suddenly felt sympathetic. Even though Dirk couldn’t remember events, he very clearly remembered the feelings that he had felt while he played the game. Dave knew those feelings too. They were not okay, and Dirk was not okay either. It became obvious to him.

“I know what you’re feeling- as if once they’re out of sight, you can’t help anymore. You have to be the hero, you don’t want to be the hero, whatever it is for you. It sucks as an emotion, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can see that not only are you worried- you’re worried that something _terrible_ is going to happen, and you can’t help them.”

Dirk looked over at Dave, and Dave shrugged.

“I feel that way a lot,” Dave said offhandedly.

“I don’t like that you know that. I don’t like that I feel like you would know how I feel. Like Jade did with Jake the other day. Things would be easy if I could hate you and keep you away,” Dirk told him. “I know, I know, it makes me a shitty person. I failed them once, I won’t fail them again,” he told him.

“What do you mean you failed them once?” Dave asked, looking at him.

Dirk also tended to chew on his lower lip too, he noticed. He grinned a bit at that.

“Well, It’s this weird feeling I get every now and then. I don’t understand it perfectly, but every now and then, I’m just drowning in the feeling that I fucked up, and that they weren’t okay. I feel like if I leave them, it’s going to actually happen.” He told him.

Dave nodded in understanding. He knew why, but Dirk didn’t.

“So yeah,” Dave finally said. “Let’s get out of here, I’ll take you to the club I’m working at. It’s just workers there now, they don’t open till afternoon, but it’s a quiet place.”

“I like the idea of that,” Dirk said. “Do you mind if I get a lift? We have to take a cab even though we’re all over 18. We can’t get a rental until we’re like 25.”

Dave nodded his head, patting the passenger door and going around to the drivers side. Dirk got in, looking at him.

“So, how old are you guys again?” he asked.

“We’re all sixteen,” Dave told him, buckling up and starting the truck. “We don’t feel it though, we feel much older usually.”

“Do you? Sometimes I feel like that too. I feel like I’ve lost years too my life, as if we were somehow older. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been asleep for years, and that I just forgot what I was dreaming about. Sometimes, I dream that I’m not even here, just on a tower surrounded by fire. I feel like I'm in my thirties, like some mornings I can't get up and get started.”

Dave nodded, easing out into traffic and starting to drive. He knew, he really did.

“We dream about other places too. Denizens, horror terrors, gods. We became gods, and you and I, we had to be heroes. You had the most ridiculous pants in the galaxy,” he told him, grinning. “Poufy asshole pants, I think is how we referred to them, and then you had your little tiara. At least you weren’t Jake.” He added. “Those yellow booty-licious panties-“

He glanced over and saw Dirk, hands clenched to the seat and jaw set, and he looked not only angry, but scared. Right, Dave reminded himself, the others didn’t want to know. They wanted to forget. He had to remember that if he wanted them to stay okay. He looked ahead.

“Sorry,” Dave managed.

“No, it’s okay. I’ve dreamt about this stuff before, though it feels like I’m in a fog. A terrible fog, but still a fog. I get what Jane means now,” he told him. “She says that Egbert just knows things about her, things that she doesn’t tell anyone.” He added. “We don’t speak about our dreams, not even to each other. It’s unsettling, I guess,” Dirk managed. “I didn’t think that you would be able to do that.”

Dave shrugged.

“It’s not like we do it on purpose. They’re memories to us, unfortunately. We really needed you guys too,” Dave said. “Okay, needed isn’t correct. We wanted you guys. We missed you guys. Even though we barely got to know you in the game, we wanted you to remember, because we remembered being there for you as well, even though you guys never knew it,’ he told him.

Dirk sighed, looking over at him.

“You guys don’t seem happy, or healthy. It’s like staring at a bunch of ghosts. When you made the news, I watched because you were Dave Strider, celebrity mirror. You were so small and scared and terrified. You were just a ghost of a gangly 13 year old, and who was the other guy? John? He wouldn’t stop crying and holding his dad. At that moment, I knew that I didn’t want to remember or believe. Hal was a lie to me. I went to counseling because of Hal.”

“Hal?” Dave asked.

“Yeah, he was me, I think, or I was him, but every now and then I’d-“

“Fall asleep and not wake up. Your friends were relieved when you came back, but at the same time, they were sad because the other part of you was gone again,” he finished for him.

“How’d you know?”

“They think I forgot Davesprite. He was this- Woah, man, are you okay?” Dave asked.

Dirk had turned a delicate shade of green, triangular sunglasses off his face, revealing those amber eyes of his. He shook his head and Dave pulled over quickly, watching as he wrenched the door open as he puked. He knew that too, the shaky out of body experience that you got when you remembered things that you wanted to forget. He put on the emergency break, rubbing his back as he took his time to recover.

Dave felt his heart do weird lurches as he fought with himself over what happened. Dirk wanted to forget, Dave wanted him to remember. Dave didn’t want him to remember anymore because of all the pain involved in it.

“Sorry, man,” Dave said quietly.

“It’s alright, bro,” Dirk said weakly, and Dave swore in that moment you couldn’t have hurt him more.

 

 

Jane (1)

The jarred notes on the piano were the first hint that something was wrong. She poked her head into the practice room, where sure enough, John Egbert was playing the piano with his face. While this method wasn’t very acceptable in reality, she knew how it sometimes helped.

“Hey,” she said, slipping into the room.

He jerked up, then she watched him grip onto the piano, swearing under his breath. That was really unusual.

“Are you alright?” She asked, moving closer to him.

“Oh, hey, Janey, yeah,” he said, smiling. “I just have a headache, forgot the painkillers at Dave’s place,” he said. “God, the room is so bright. I forgot how much light they love to pour on us,” he said, laughing.

She sat down next to him on the bench, frowning.

“Why do you need painkillers? I noticed you looked a little green around the edges this morning.”

“Dave’s driving,” John joked.

Jane gave him a look, and he sighed, looking back at the keys.

“Don’t freak out. Harley accidentally knocked me out on a soundboard last night,” he told her. “She didn’t mean to, she just got a little overexcited.” He told her.

She nodded her head, hand going up to his scalp.

“Wow, stitches and everything,” she said. She got her purse, opening it up and fishing out a bottle of advil.

He looked at them, and she gave him three.

“A good future housewife like me has to be prepared,” she said, looking sadly at the keyboard too.

“I don’t see you doing that- not a traditional one anyway. Are the rumors about you and Jake true?”

She laughed, shaking her head.

“My dad found out I was dating Roxy and started the rumor to protect me. He’s terribly old fashioned.”

John grinned.

“Let me guess- Roxy is also spending a week sober for the first time in a while,” he said, taking the pills.

“Spot on detective work. I’d give you a gold star if I had any.”

“Rose would probably be eating these for every meal if she could find enough,” he told her, taking a sip of his water.

She smiled, and nodded her head.

“It’s a rough week for you, huh?” she asked, rubbing his back. “You always were so strong, John, but I can even tell that you’re crumbling now.” She told him.

“I feel like things are coming to an end. Suddenly, the world’s slowing down, and I can feel that something terrible is going to happen. We don’t have long,” he told her.

She looked at him, blinking in surprise.

“Oh, John,” she said.

He looked at her.

“Sorry. I guess I’m just tired of fighting a world that doesn’t want to understand. I’m tired of fighting. I don’t want to pretend anymore,” he told her.

She bit her lower lip, not sure what to say. She knew that telling him that it would be alright would be an outright lie.

She used to think that it would be okay, that the whole thing was a hoax. She knew that John Egbert used to be a more perfect being, she could see him how he was supposed to be, so she knew that this John Egbert was less real at his core than the one she used to know.

The one, that according to all reports by psychiatrists was a complete hoax.

That would have been acceptable if it hadn’t been for Rose.

Rose was an anomaly that she remembered, that she felt intense regret over for some reason. She knew that this was the truth, that the reality was a complete lie.

There were dreams where she was the one who killed Rose, though she didn’t understand them at all. She sighed, then ran her hands through her hair.

“You guys- you four impossible children- you have a lot to fight through and for, and I can’t blame you at all if you want to give up, John. I’m so proud of you for not. I’m so proud of you for continuing to fight, even though it seems like the rest of it is all impossible,” she said lightly.

She didn’t want to remember, she wanted to go on pretending it was a dream. It hadn’t robbed her of her life like it had done to them. She knew the truth, deep in her soul. Jane Crocker remembered playing Sburb, and the terrible things that she had done to her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I feel like I've had issues with some of the chapters, and how I want the characters to interact, but I've kept you guys waiting too long already!


	13. Safe And Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk spends some time with the younger Strider, even though he's terrified of what might happen.

**Dirk (1)**

A deep breath, a movement. There’s a pause as he glances up at Dirk. Dirk takes another long drink of coffee, setting it back down. He’s sure that what he’s about to hear isn’t life changing or Earth shattering. Dave’s only sixteen, there’s not enough emotion or experience there to really shake the foundations of noise and thought.  He grins at Dave and gives him a thumbs up anyway, and Dave gives him one back. Dirk’s not about to sacrifice the frail foundation that the two of them found this morning. Bro looks between them, shaking his head. The older man gets the rest of the sound system hooked up, and finally nods his head as he stands back. Dirk’s eyes move from him back to Dave. He just took a deep breath, the two of them breathed in time. Dirk watched as he closed his eyes. His shades were still on, but he could still tell. He closed his eyes as he tilted his head back. The club was entirely silent, and Dirk, in that moment, could tell that he was in his sanctuary. This is where he found himself after the incident, places like this is where Dirk was losing himself. He was holding his breath, waiting for the moment that the sermon would start. The only house of worship that Dave Strider had ever needed was in that space. Dirk could hear him take a deep breath. He wondered if this is how it was for him all the time- that the club would go stock silent as he prepared. He practically felt the gush of wind as the bass dropped.

Dirk’s heart stopped for a second. He gripped his chest as he was pulled apart at the seams.

Dave, working two time tables, stuck on top of Massive gears.

Dave, surrounded by the dead.

Dave was still spinning, flashes of red, light, and righteous fury.

The oncoming sword, the welcome surrender.

Dirk, in his own welcome surrender.

He watched him as his body dipped, the way the movement took him to the next track switch. This was what Dave had done to survive. Dirk found himself helpless in this service dedicated to him. He kept watching, he needed to keep watching. His body eased back into erratic breathing as memories that couldn’t possibly be his started to bloom in his mind. He had been so very, very wrong. The Dave that couldn’t be real, the one who had spent years looking and waiting for them, they were not real, but here it was. The boy in front of him didn’t possibly have enough pain and experience. The man he knew in the game, who was the same age as all of them- He knew and he could command it.

Dirk swallowed as the song stopped. Dave looked fragile in that moment. Dirk felt fragile and broken in that moment as well. He got up, slipping off the stool he was on. He downed the coffee. It burned a little on the inside, but suddenly he was completely grounded where before he hadn’t been. He didn’t want to believe. None of them had wanted to believe. This meant something far worse than he wanted, however. He swallowed again as he started shakily heading out to the sun. He needed air, fresh air. In here the air hung heavy with cigarettes even though no one smoked indoors. It just tasted like ash.

He made his way out into the light, leaning against the wall of the building. He felt angry and bitter inside. Something was shattering in him, and he knew why. Could he voice it? He slammed his fist into the wall, and a hand went around his shoulder. When had he closed his eyes? He didn’t move away from the touch, his whole body tensed in response however.

“Hey, hey. I know that look, easy- I’ve got enough kids like you on my hand at the moment,” he joked.

Dirk looked up into Bro’s eyes, all wide and amazed. This was Dave’s guardian? He swallowed.

“This is- this is way to fucking meta.” He managed to eek out. “Way to fucking- this is insane.” His voice sounded tired and strained. Dirk was oddly frightened, meeting himself in such a way. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real,” he tried to voice out. He wanted to say it enough that it became true and rooted to his soul.

Bro nodded, adjusting his hat over shades.

“He talks about you,” is his response, and Dirk knows he’s also struggling, that he can only struggle to give voice to the shit that was happening in that moment. This must be so weird, to be visited by the younger version of himself. It was pretty strange meeting the older version of yourself too.

Dirk blinks, looking up at him.

“Why should he talk about me, as if I’m real? I’m just- if this is all true…I’m just some shitty in game copy of you. I’m not the real Dirk. You are.”

The anger spilled over and he clenched his fists as he took a shuddery breath. God, this was awful. This was truly the worse. He wished in that moment that he wasn’t real. He wasn’t meant to be.

“You’re the real Dirk, alright. He never saw you as a copy. Don’t think any of them really did, to be honest.”

He moves back just in case, and Dirk wonders why.

“Take it in. It’s okay if you throw up or pass out this time, it happened a lot when they first got back.”

“Three years ago. For three years, we’ve shoved them away. It’s not real. They’re the reason we’re alive, and we can’t even properly thank them- “

Bro cut off his tangent with a hand in the air.

“You’re as real as they are. They were promised you’d all be together, right? This is what they wanted, from what I understand,” Bro said.

Dirk blinked again, and looked away.

“I’m just some sad version of you,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Hey, if there’s one thing a sad Strider is, it’s resilient, you hear me kid?” Bro said. “Especially one’s like us. I know me, which means I know you too. You’re made of stronger stuff.”

“How can you just accept it? That it was real? No resistance, no judgement?”

“It’s either that or lose Dave. One of those isn’t an option,” he told him. “Sword through a chest, I can take that pain of knowing. What I can’t do is have Dave be like the other three. I wouldn’t call it no resistance or judgement. It takes a hell of a lot out of any man.”

Dirk nodded.

“the other three- their parents don’t believe them?” he asked.

“Not a bit. Well, maybe a little now, but not before.”

“I’m going to- I’m going to believe him too. If that’s alright. I’m going to believe them all. I want to,” Dirk said.

He really didn’t think he had a choice, after a few hours with Dave.

“You might be the only one in your group who does, but it’ll mean the world to them. It’ll especially mean the most to Dave. Or the other Dave?”

“The other Dave?” Dirk asked.

“Yeah, the one that used to appear during such lows.”

“Like…Hal. I’ve got Hal like that.”

Dirk toes the concrete; Bro squeezes his shoulder again.

“A little common ground can go a whole hell of a long way to heal some hurt,” Bro told him. “Maybe for both of you, whether you know it or not.”

He looked up and moved away as the too skinny Dave came out. He was slipping away, piece by piece. Dirk felt the uncomfortable urge that wanted to stop it more than anything, but he couldn’t. Dave held out his hand, and Bro sighed.

“You quit, remember?” he asked.

“I’m unquiting. Quitting is for losers.”

“Chain smoking is not a winner thing, Dave Elizabeth Strider.”

Dave’s ears turned pink as he swapped out his shades. Dirk barely caught the tinge of red around irises before they were back on.

“So you’re all albino too?” he asked.

“Yeah. Bro and me both are light sensitive. Why do you wear yours?” Dave asked, trying to pick Bro’s pocket.

“I’d say to look cool, but light gives me migraines.” He admitted.

Bro grabbed at his wrists and Dave’s breath hitched. He stayed stock still for a moment, and Bro eased his grip on them. Dirk watched, realizing that Bro was waiting to make sure he was okay. Dave waved a hand, and Bro grinned, squeezing his shoulders before going back into the club.

“Aren’t you too young to smoke?” Dirk asked.

“Yes, yes I am. I’m too young for a lot of this. Didn’t pick up smoking till last year. I was supposed to be 18. That’s when I got piercings and tattoos.”

Dirk shrugged his shoulders, and then took a pack out of his own coat. He rarely smoked. Half the time, he just stood around with them. Sometimes he lit them in order to just give the air of fuck off. He offered one over to Dave. Dave quirked a smile and mumbled thanks as he took one. He lit it with nimble fingers, and Dirk felt himself swallow as more memories threatened to take him. The cherry glowed off his shades, and for a moment, Dirk was in another world. He swallowed hard, mumbled a welcome, and stared at the ground.

“That was aggrieve, right?” he finally asked.

“The latest mix to it. When I first got back- if we’re talking in generalities that the hoax was real and that I’m not a shitty kid looking for attention- I just wanted the music back in my life from it. It’s pretty weird here. It was never quiet there, but I always found comfort whenever there were background tracks involved,” he admitted. “It was just a constant noise, it was comforting. It was a barometer to our existence in the void. I could tell what was coming next because of it. Most of the time, it was pretty…standard. No immediate threat. No sorrow.”

Dirk nodded, deciding that he too, needed a cigarette. Either that, or he was drinking a fifth of vodka on his own to deal with it.

“I don’t- there are reasons I don’t want to believe you. I don’t think you’re a liar, not anymore, but… you’ve gotta know that if this is how it is, then I’m just some shitty replica Strider who’s had to live up to you, my bro, your bro, I’ve had to be able to live up to what they did. I’m not that kid. I’m not good enough.”

Dave lets out a little laugh.

“Sorry, sorry, it’s not funny. Maybe the unintentional ironic funny. Like, how Free episodes on crunchyroll aren’t really free, that kind of thing. The entire time I spent in the game, I spent it wanting to be able to stand next to you. I wanted to be good enough to stand next to Dirk. I’m not- look if I’m any sort of judge, you were never lesser. You were never not a real Strider. I’ve been one of those too. It sucks, being me and me at the same time. No wonder the damn clown lost his mind. I would have.”

“You- you aren’t a copy either. You’re..if what I’m starting to remember is real, you were amazing. All light and righteous fury-“

“Half an avenging angel,” he said quietly in response.

“Yeah. Half and angel, fit for a fallen Prince.”

“It’s not real,” Dave said lightly, hiding the bitterness in his voice.

In that moment, Dirk understood. Dave was back here, on Earth, away from where he was before. His friends were gone, he couldn’t reach them.

“No, I guess thanks to us and to you, it never was. That sucks.”

“That Sucks,” Dave says with a finality about him.

Dirk decides to smoke in quiet after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised I would finish. I had to wait for Hussie to finish, and then for me to catch up, and then, finally, I had to reread this fic in order to figure out what the heck I was writing about in the first place, okay?


End file.
